Jag har alltid varit en ensamvarg. Egentligen f\u00c3\u00b6rst\u00c3\u00a5r jag inte varf\u00c3\u00b6r. M\u00c3\u00a4nniskor och relationer intresserar mig oerh\u00c3\u00b6rt mycket. Oftast \u00c3\u00a4r det det som \u00c3\u00a4r beh\u00c3\u00a5llningen n\u00c3\u00a4r jag ser film eller l\u00c3\u00a4ser b\u00c3\u00b6cker. Och just detta att f\u00c3\u00b6rs\u00c3\u00b6ka f\u00c3\u00b6rst\u00c3\u00a5 hur m\u00c3\u00a4nniskor \u00c3\u00a4r funtade \u00c3\u00a4r sp\u00c3\u00a4nnande.<\/p>\n
Totts det \u00c3\u00a4r jag en ensamvarg. Javisst har jag spelat i ett band. D\u00c3\u00a4r \u00c3\u00a4r man ju verkligen beroende av varandra och kommer varandra riktigt n\u00c3\u00a4ra. Men d\u00c3\u00a4r har jag varit den drivande, den som skrev l\u00c3\u00a5tarna, som ville mest. D\u00c3\u00a5 \u00c3\u00a4r man lite utanf\u00c3\u00b6r. Som m\u00c3\u00a5ste forts\u00c3\u00a4tta n\u00c3\u00a4r dom andra g\u00c3\u00a5r och fikar.
\nI skolan… Ja nog fanns det kompisar. Och inte var jag hackkyckling p\u00c3\u00a5 n\u00c3\u00a5got vis men jag var liksom sj\u00c3\u00a4lv \u00c3\u00a4nd\u00c3\u00a5….<\/p>\n
Jag har allid haft sv\u00c3\u00a5rt att ringa till en kompis och bara prata. Det \u00c3\u00a4r skitkul n\u00c3\u00a4r n\u00c3\u00a5gon annan ringer f\u00c3\u00b6r att “bara prata”. Sj\u00c3\u00a4lv \u00c3\u00a4r jag skitskraj f\u00c3\u00b6r att ringa och st\u00c3\u00b6ra. Just detta. “Att St\u00c3\u00b6ra”. har jag f\u00c3\u00a5tt p\u00c3\u00a5 hj\u00c3\u00a4rnan. Jag har f\u00c3\u00a5tt en f\u00c3\u00b6rest\u00c3\u00a4llning i mitt huvud att jag kommer att d\u00c3\u00b6 p\u00c3\u00a5 fl\u00c3\u00a4cken om den jag ringer till s\u00c3\u00a4ger att han\/hon inte “har tid just nu” och avslutar samtalet. Eller \u00c3\u00a4nnu v\u00c3\u00a4rre pratar p\u00c3\u00a5 fast han\/hon inte vill eller har tid. Ryser vid tanken. Samma sak med att bes\u00c3\u00b6ka n\u00c3\u00a5gon oanm\u00c3\u00a4ld. Det tar emot som fasiken. Av precis samma sk\u00c3\u00a4l.<\/p>\n
Jag inser att jag skall vara oerh\u00c3\u00b6rt glad att mina v\u00c3\u00a4nner trotts detta ringer och bes\u00c3\u00b6ker mig ibland. Att dom flesta inte gett upp.<\/p>\n
S\u00c3\u00a5h\u00c3\u00a4r har det varit \u00c3\u00a4nda sedan jag var liten. Var aldrig riktigt f\u00c3\u00b6rtjust att st\u00c3\u00b6vla in hos en kompis bara s\u00c3\u00a5d\u00c3\u00a4r. Att f\u00c3\u00b6lja med honom hem var en helt annnan sak.<\/p>\n
Kanske har det med d\u00c3\u00a5lig sj\u00c3\u00a4lvk\u00c3\u00a4nsla att g\u00c3\u00b6ra. Att anse att man inget \u00c3\u00a4r v\u00c3\u00a4rd och d\u00c3\u00a4rf\u00c3\u00b6r undra varf\u00c3\u00b6r n\u00c3\u00a5gon skulle vilja tr\u00c3\u00a4ffas eller prata i telefon med en. Att den andre i sj\u00c3\u00a4lva verket sitter och t\u00c3\u00a4nker att “g\u00c3\u00a5 hem nu” eller “sluta prata nu”. Men jag vet inte om jag egentligen har s\u00c3\u00a5 d\u00c3\u00a5ligt sj\u00c3\u00a4lvf\u00c3\u00b6rtroende. Men hos mig \u00c3\u00a4r nog problemet att:<\/p>\n
Jag tror p\u00c3\u00a5 mig sj\u00c3\u00a4lv men jag f\u00c3\u00b6rv\u00c3\u00a4ntar mig inte att n\u00c3\u00a5gon annan tror p\u00c3\u00a5 mig.<\/strong><\/p>\n Den meningen \u00c3\u00a4r sj\u00c3\u00a4lva essencen tror jag i mitt utanf\u00c3\u00b6rskap. I mitt liv som gift ensamvarg med tv\u00c3\u00a5 barn. Patetiskt va? Jag har alltid varit en ensamvarg. Egentligen f\u00c3\u00b6rst\u00c3\u00a5r jag inte varf\u00c3\u00b6r. M\u00c3\u00a4nniskor och relationer intresserar mig oerh\u00c3\u00b6rt mycket. Oftast \u00c3\u00a4r det det som \u00c3\u00a4r beh\u00c3\u00a5llningen n\u00c3\u00a4r jag ser film eller l\u00c3\u00a4ser b\u00c3\u00b6cker. Och just detta att f\u00c3\u00b6rs\u00c3\u00b6ka f\u00c3\u00b6rst\u00c3\u00a5 hur m\u00c3\u00a4nniskor \u00c3\u00a4r funtade \u00c3\u00a4r sp\u00c3\u00a4nnande. Totts det \u00c3\u00a4r jag en ensamvarg. Javisst har jag spelat i […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-90","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-swedish"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":583,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=583","url_meta":{"origin":90,"position":0},"title":"Bara en spindel","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2008-07-10","format":false,"excerpt":"Imorse n\u00c3\u00a4r jag skulle duscha s\u00c3\u00a5 var det en liten spindel i duschen. Nu kan man s\u00c3\u00a4tta p\u00c3\u00a5 duschen i alla fall och l\u00c3\u00a5ta den lilla spindeln f\u00c3\u00b6lja med avloppet, flytta den med handkraft eller v\u00c3\u00a4nta tills den sj\u00c3\u00a4lv krupit d\u00c3\u00a4rifr\u00c3\u00a5n. I mitt fall valde jag det sista alternativet. Det\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Swedish"","block_context":{"text":"Swedish","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":31,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=31","url_meta":{"origin":90,"position":1},"title":"Nog blev det sn\u00c3\u00b6 alltid!","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2006-11-01","format":false,"excerpt":"Han bara s\u00c3\u00a4ga att sn\u00c3\u00b6n var h\u00c3\u00a4r s\u00c3\u00a5 slog det till p\u00c3\u00a5 riktigt. Ig\u00c3\u00a5r var det sn\u00c3\u00b6stormliknande. St\u00c3\u00b6kigt att ta sig hem. Knappt upplogat upp hit till Brattberg. Fick brassa bilen rakt ut i sn\u00c3\u00b6n n\u00c3\u00a4r jag kom hem f\u00c3\u00b6r att Magnus, v\u00c3\u00a5r m\u00c3\u00a4ster plogare, och kommunen skulle kunna komma\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=7","url_meta":{"origin":90,"position":2},"title":"Bj\u00c3\u00b6rnsp\u00c3\u00a5r","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2006-05-03","format":false,"excerpt":"Sv\u00c3\u00a4nger r\u00c3\u00a4tt mycket i att trivas eller inte trivas med att bo i Los (eller Loos som alla skriver h\u00c3\u00a4r). Men det \u00c3\u00a4r n\u00c3\u00a5gra g\u00c3\u00a5nger jag f\u00c3\u00b6rst\u00c3\u00a5r att jag egentligen uppskattar det vi har h\u00c3\u00a4r oerh\u00c3\u00b6rt. Idag, dagsf\u00c3\u00a4rska bj\u00c3\u00b6rnsp\u00c3\u00a5r p\u00c3\u00a5 promenadrundan bara n\u00c3\u00a5gra hundra meter fr\u00c3\u00a5n huset. Att veta att\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Swedish"","block_context":{"text":"Swedish","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":430,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=430","url_meta":{"origin":90,"position":3},"title":"Spela s\u00c3\u00b6nder","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2008-05-22","format":false,"excerpt":"Ni som k\u00c3\u00a4nner mig vet att jag n\u00c3\u00a4r jag f\u00c3\u00b6rst f\u00c3\u00a5r tag i en l\u00c3\u00a5t s\u00c3\u00a5 \u00c3\u00a4r jag expert p\u00c3\u00a5 att spela s\u00c3\u00b6nder den. Brukar kunna g\u00c3\u00a5 non-stop under n\u00c3\u00a5gra dagar till de omkringvarandes f\u00c3\u00b6rskr\u00c3\u00a4ckelse. De senaste dagarna har Madonna's, 4 Minutes g\u00c3\u00a5tt i mp3 spelaren. Vilken l\u00c3\u00a5t! Vilken produktion!\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Swedish"","block_context":{"text":"Swedish","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":251,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=251","url_meta":{"origin":90,"position":4},"title":"Tr\u00c3\u00b6tt s\u00c3\u00a5 tr\u00c3\u00b6tt","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2008-03-05","format":false,"excerpt":"Vet ej om det \u00c3\u00a4r m\u00c3\u00a5ndagens yrsel som fortfarande sitter i kroppen men jag \u00c3\u00a4r s\u00c3\u00a5 tr\u00c3\u00b6tt idag. S\u00c3\u00a5 j\u00c3\u00a4kla tr\u00c3\u00b6tt. Undrar ocks\u00c3\u00a5 om det \u00c3\u00a4r n\u00c3\u00a5gon ide att k\u00c3\u00a4mpa vidare. N\u00c3\u00a4sta vecka skall jag ned till Lund och titta p\u00c3\u00a5 ett ett intressant jobb p\u00c3\u00a5 Ericsson Mobile Platforms. F\u00c3\u00a5r\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Swedish"","block_context":{"text":"Swedish","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":89,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=89","url_meta":{"origin":90,"position":5},"title":"Grattis Lotta!","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2007-07-03","format":false,"excerpt":"Lotta Persson med LottaBoden har vunnit det fina priset Norrlandsbj\u00c3\u00b6rnen. Ljusdalsposten skriver om det hela h\u00c3\u00a4r. Det \u00c3\u00a4r bara att kolla p\u00c3\u00a5 Norrlandsf\u00c3\u00b6rbundets site med vilka som f\u00c3\u00a5tt det h\u00c3\u00a4r priset f\u00c3\u00b6r att f\u00c3\u00b6rst\u00c3\u00a5 hur \u00c3\u00a4rofyllt och stort detta \u00c3\u00a4r. Och Lotta \u00c3\u00a4r verkligen v\u00c3\u00a4rd detta hon \u00c3\u00a4r en en\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Swedish"","block_context":{"text":"Swedish","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p68PL2-1s","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/24"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=90"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=90"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=90"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=90"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nja ja, patetiskt eller inte. Jag har l\u00c3\u00a4rt mig att acceptera denna svaghet. En ensamvarg kommer jag att f\u00c3\u00b6rbli….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"