{"id":8550,"date":"2013-08-14T22:13:16","date_gmt":"2013-08-14T21:13:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/?p=8550"},"modified":"2013-08-14T22:13:16","modified_gmt":"2013-08-14T21:13:16","slug":"clown-eller-manniska-det-ar-fragan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=8550","title":{"rendered":"Clown eller m\u00e4nniska det \u00e4r fr\u00e5gan"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"images\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Jag funderar p\u00e5 att l\u00e4gga mig. Uppl\u00f6sningen i bra bok v\u00e4ntar och jag kan liksom inte riktigt f\u00e5 fram det d\u00e4r kreativa ikv\u00e4ll vad jag nu skall med det till \u00f6ver huvud taget h\u00e4r p\u00e5 l\u00e5tsasjobbet. Fick huvudet fullt av l\u00e4ngtan. Havet n\u00e4mndes i en diskussion p\u00e5 fejjan och det satte sig liksom i huvudet. Man m\u00e5ste v\u00e4l helt enkelt \u00e5ka ut och lukta p\u00e5 det f\u00f6r att mildra den d\u00e4r l\u00e4ngtan som liksom drar och sliter i en. <\/p>\n

Hur i helvete hamnade man egentligen h\u00e4r i skogen fr\u00e5n b\u00f6rjan. I den h\u00e4r bubblan jag lever i, d\u00e4r i bubblan d\u00e4r jag iof trivs f\u00f6rbaskat bra, men allt utanf\u00f6r det h\u00e4r gula huset och kullen, vad skall jag med det till, och vad skall de som finns d\u00e4r utanf\u00f6r med mig till? Fast det \u00e4r komplicerat s\u00e5klart. Jag \u00e4lskar ju det h\u00e4r ocks\u00e5. S\u00e5 in i helvete ibland, n\u00e4stan som i b\u00f6rjan. De dagar n\u00e4r jag inte hatar det. Eller kanske \u00e4r det timmar det sv\u00e4nger p\u00e5 det d\u00e4r \u00e4lska, hata, \u00e4lska, hata, tick, tack, tick, tack. Men ganska s\u00e4kert handlar det bara om mig sj\u00e4lv egentligen s\u00e5klart. Att inte riktigt kunna \u00e4lska sig sj\u00e4lv. Har allts\u00e5 inte ett dugg med var man befinner sig, var hatten ligger, utan det tillst\u00e5nd man befinner sig i som en simpel liten r\u00e4dd en som f\u00f6rs\u00f6ker allt han kan f\u00f6r att vara m\u00e4nniska och inte clown.<\/p>\n

Helvete vad sv\u00e5rt det d\u00e4r blev d\u00e5! Det finns liksom inget annat avslut p\u00e5 detta \u00e4n att l\u00e4gga sig. Annars vet man inte alls vilka mer slutsatser som kan ploppa fram h\u00e4r p\u00e5 nattkr\u00f6ken.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jag funderar p\u00e5 att l\u00e4gga mig. Uppl\u00f6sningen i bra bok v\u00e4ntar och jag kan liksom inte riktigt f\u00e5 fram det d\u00e4r kreativa ikv\u00e4ll vad jag nu skall med det till \u00f6ver huvud taget h\u00e4r p\u00e5 l\u00e5tsasjobbet. Fick huvudet fullt av l\u00e4ngtan. Havet n\u00e4mndes i en diskussion p\u00e5 fejjan och det satte sig liksom i huvudet. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8550","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betraktelser"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":17593,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=17593","url_meta":{"origin":8550,"position":0},"title":"Fredagsmys och kanoners skott","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2015-04-17","format":false,"excerpt":"Lyssnar p\u00e5 Spotify n\u00e4r jag st\u00e4dar idag och vips s\u00e5 \u00e4r jag inne i fejjans community igen efter sju m\u00e5nader utanf\u00f6r. 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Att komma dit igen \u00e4r lite som jag t\u00e4nker mig en\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"007","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/007-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/007-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/007-1024x768.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":12376,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=12376","url_meta":{"origin":8550,"position":1},"title":"En hel or\u00f6rd helg fram\u00f6ver","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2014-03-07","format":false,"excerpt":"Dagens plus \u00e4r sn\u00f6dropparna som tittat fram d\u00e4r de st\u00e5r mot v\u00e4ggen och tjuvar pelletsv\u00e4rme vid det stora gula huset p\u00e5 kullen. 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Tiden \u00e4r s\u00e5dan och dessutom ser det ut att bli lite varmare fram\u00f6ver. Lita p\u00e5 bj\u00f6rktrastarna allts\u00e5. Fryser s\u00e5 in i h:e g\u00f6r jag s\u00e5klart men det vet ni\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/IMG_20201020_114621-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/IMG_20201020_114621-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/IMG_20201020_114621-scaled.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/IMG_20201020_114621-scaled.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/IMG_20201020_114621-scaled.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/IMG_20201020_114621-scaled.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":28984,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=28984","url_meta":{"origin":8550,"position":3},"title":"F\u00f6rs\u00f6ker","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2018-06-17","format":false,"excerpt":"F\u00f6rs\u00f6ker \"jobba\" lite med en l\u00e5t i studion. Men datorn \u00e4r sl\u00f6, ljudkort d\u00e5ligt, det vill sig inte, hackigt, jag \u00e4r sl\u00f6 jag med, g\u00e4spar, det vill sig inte det heller. S\u00e5 jag ger upp. Nedst\u00e4md. Vill kasta skiten i sj\u00f6n. 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Kanske \u00e4r det den d\u00e4r avgrunden som finns inom mig som trycker p\u00e5 hos dem ocks\u00e5. Den dom fyller med en ny femtiofemtums tv till reapris, den jag fyller med jobb och\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"009","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/009-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/009-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/009-1024x768.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":18331,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=18331","url_meta":{"origin":8550,"position":5},"title":"Allt har ett slut","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2015-07-27","format":false,"excerpt":"Semestern \u00e4r slut. Man kan misst\u00e4nka att det betyder att nu kommer finv\u00e4dret. Sol och svettiga dagar. Men det g\u00f6r inget. 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