{"id":45016,"date":"2023-05-09T07:13:33","date_gmt":"2023-05-09T06:13:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=45016"},"modified":"2023-05-09T07:14:54","modified_gmt":"2023-05-09T06:14:54","slug":"den-forsta-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=45016","title":{"rendered":"Den f\u00f6rsta"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Photo by Aliesha low on Pexels.com<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Koltrasten sjunger den f\u00f6rsta kv\u00e4llen p\u00e5 kullen ig\u00e5r. Vackrare \u00e4r s\u00e5ngen \u00e4n det vackraste som finns. Trotts att han s\u00e5klart fortfarande \u00e4r lite skrovlig i n\u00e4bben efter den Franska turn\u00e9en. Det har sjungits i Fransm\u00e4ns tr\u00e4dg\u00e5rdar en hel vinter. Segrats. Publikfriats. Sceniskt trollats i ett tr\u00e4d. S\u00e5dant som tar p\u00e5 Koltrastst\u00e4mband det med. Men en m\u00e4stare s\u00e5klart. En som h\u00e4nf\u00f6r och kan sjunga oss d\u00f6dliga till himlar vi inte visste fanns.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag som f\u00f6r dagen \u00e4r lite l\u00e5g st\u00e5r d\u00e4r och lyssnar och finner tr\u00f6st. Inget n\u00e5r som en f\u00e4rd i h\u00f6g hastighet p\u00e5 en motorv\u00e4g mitt inre mer \u00e4n Koltrastens s\u00e5ng. Och d\u00e4r i kv\u00e4llen och s\u00e5ngen finner jag lindring. D\u00e4r hittar jag hoppet. N\u00e5ja lite hopp.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag misstr\u00f6star n\u00e4mligen lite denna dag. “\u00c4r det verkligen v\u00e4rt det?<\/em>” pl\u00e5gar mitt sinne. Bara Koltrasts\u00e5ng kan f\u00f6ra f\u00f6r mig bort en stund fr\u00e5n det d\u00e4r tr\u00f6ttsamma sj\u00e4lv\u00f6mkandet, inte ens bullar eller glass klara det jobbet denna dag. Men det fungerar faktiskt ibland. Socker som kokain. Godis som heroin. En lakritsklubba som kristall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag hatar sj\u00e4lv\u00f6mkande. S\u00e4rskilt och fr\u00e4mst n\u00e4r jag sj\u00e4lv ger mig h\u00e4n till det. Det \u00e4r s\u00e5 l\u00e5gt. F\u00f6r l\u00e5gt. Men ett l\u00e5gt sinne sammanfaller ocks\u00e5 med kreativitet h\u00e4r s\u00e5 de d\u00e4r dagarna jag pl\u00e5gas av tvivel \u00e4r ocks\u00e5 de dagar jag arbetar b\u00e4st. S\u00e5 jag dyker in i arbetet, \u00c5kes v\u00e4rld, h\u00e5ller mig krampaktigt fast d\u00e4r, h\u00e4nger mig fast vid problemen och deras l\u00f6sningar f\u00f6r att inte beh\u00f6va t\u00e4nka “\u00c4r det verkligen v\u00e4rt det?<\/em>” F\u00f6r egentligen vet jag ju svaret p\u00e5 den fr\u00e5gan. Allt f\u00f6r v\u00e4l \u00e4r det k\u00e4nt f\u00f6r mig. Och det svaret pl\u00e5gar mig mer \u00e4n allt annat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tar mitt PSA prov p\u00e5 morgonen. Blod\u00e5der hittas. Den inneh\u00e5ller blod. R\u00f6r fylles. Sex p\u00e5 kv\u00e4llen kan jag l\u00e4sa provresultat p\u00e5 1177 (nope, det var inte b\u00e4ttre f\u00f6rr<\/span>) och v\u00e4rdena ser bra ut. D\u00e5 lugnar vi oss tv\u00e5 \u00e5r till. Proppar i oss den medicin som f\u00f6reskrivits. St\u00e5r ut med biverkningar. L\u00e4mnar prostatan i fred utom n\u00e5gra mindre l\u00e4ttare svordomar riktade \u00e5t det h\u00e5llet ibland d\u00e4r det g\u00f6r f\u00f6r ont.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Idag \u00e4r ett oskrivet bland \u00e4nnu s\u00e5 l\u00e4nge. Sj\u00e4lv har jag en plan. Vet ganska precis vad jag har att g\u00f6ra. Mitt enda hopp st\u00e5r till att jag finner kraft att h\u00e5lla mig kvar p\u00e5 det j\u00e4rnv\u00e4gssp\u00e5r som blivit mitt liv. Att jag en dag till orkar tro att det \u00e4r v\u00e4rt det. Ja, lura mig sj\u00e4lv kanske snarare och antagligen. Men det \u00e4r OK. Just det \u00e4r jag expert p\u00e5. Har sysslat med det ett helt liv.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Katter matade. Te upph\u00e4llt. L\u00e5t tisdagen ta oss och f\u00f6ra oss dit det \u00e4r meningen vi skall n\u00e5.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Koltrasten sjunger den f\u00f6rsta kv\u00e4llen p\u00e5 kullen ig\u00e5r. Vackrare \u00e4r s\u00e5ngen \u00e4n det vackraste som finns. Trotts att han s\u00e5klart fortfarande \u00e4r lite skrovlig i n\u00e4bben efter den Franska turn\u00e9en. Det har sjungits i Fransm\u00e4ns tr\u00e4dg\u00e5rdar en hel vinter. Segrats. Publikfriats. Sceniskt trollats i ett tr\u00e4d. S\u00e5dant som tar p\u00e5 Koltrastst\u00e4mband det med. Men en […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-45016","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betraktelser"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":36615,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=36615","url_meta":{"origin":45016,"position":0},"title":"Bolln\u00e4s","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2020-10-30","format":false,"excerpt":"Bolln\u00e4s avklarat. Handlat f\u00f6r en m\u00e5nad. Bara som mest veckovisa sm\u00e5handlingar \u00e5terst\u00e5r. Mj\u00f6lk, fil yoghurt. Kanske lite frukt. Lite gr\u00f6nt. Lite godis. Men avklarat nu d\u00e5 allts\u00e5. Lika sk\u00f6nt varje g\u00e5ng. Det h\u00e4nder att folk kommenterar v\u00e5r kundvagn. Idag ocks\u00e5. Som om det var n\u00e5got underligt att fylla den en\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/IMG_20200827_135714-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/IMG_20200827_135714-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/IMG_20200827_135714-scaled.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/IMG_20200827_135714-scaled.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/IMG_20200827_135714-scaled.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/IMG_20200827_135714-scaled.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":36466,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=36466","url_meta":{"origin":45016,"position":1},"title":"Minnen","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2020-10-16","format":false,"excerpt":"Det \u00e4r lite roligt n\u00e4r folk l\u00e4ser gamla inl\u00e4gg som det h\u00e4r. Jag m\u00e5ste naturligtvis l\u00e4sa jag med. Det \u00e4r jag och Isse som st\u00e5r d\u00e4r l\u00e4ngst bak. Isse som blev professor i Fysik i Uppsala och numera sedan n\u00e5gra \u00e5r ocks\u00e5 sitter i Vetenskapsakademin. Ja Bj\u00f6rgvin Hj\u00f6rvarsson heter han\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/fysikalsikkemi1982-1024x622-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/fysikalsikkemi1982-1024x622-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/fysikalsikkemi1982-1024x622-1.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/fysikalsikkemi1982-1024x622-1.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":43313,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=43313","url_meta":{"origin":45016,"position":2},"title":"Herr S-bugg","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2022-11-09","format":false,"excerpt":"Photo by Michal Hajtas on Pexels.com Det ramlar in en order. Det g\u00f6r det nu f\u00f6r tiden till min f\u00f6rv\u00e5ning. Den h\u00e4r g\u00e5ngen k\u00e4nns namnet bekant. Ja platsen ocks\u00e5. Ja och javisst \u00e4r det Herr S-bugg. Programmeringskompis fr\u00e5n Kanalv\u00e4gen i T\u00e4by d\u00e4r i slutet av 80-talet. Vi gjorde magiska saker\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"developer kit setup from autopi","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/pexels-photo-11700195.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/pexels-photo-11700195.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/pexels-photo-11700195.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/pexels-photo-11700195.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/pexels-photo-11700195.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/pexels-photo-11700195.jpeg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":45275,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=45275","url_meta":{"origin":45016,"position":3},"title":"Tystnaden","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2023-06-12","format":false,"excerpt":"Det \u00e4r n\u00e4stan natt h\u00e4r p\u00e5 kullen. Jag sitter i samma stol som jag satt i i morse. Inget te nu dock. Men g\u00f6r v\u00e4l samma saker. Ungef\u00e4r. Det d\u00e4r med natt f\u00f6rsten. Blir det n\u00e5gon \u00f6ver huvud taget nu n\u00e4r \u00e5rets sommar v\u00e4xer upp och skall bli stor. H\u00e4r\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Swedish"","block_context":{"text":"Swedish","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"trees surrounded by fogs","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/pexels-photo-262140.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/pexels-photo-262140.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/pexels-photo-262140.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/pexels-photo-262140.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/pexels-photo-262140.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/pexels-photo-262140.jpeg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":34185,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=34185","url_meta":{"origin":45016,"position":4},"title":"L\u00e5tsasarbetsvecka","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2020-01-19","format":false,"excerpt":"L\u00e5tsasarbetsveckan har startat. N\u00e5ja. Segat ig\u00e5ng efter vila. Men ig\u00e5ng \u00e4r den i alla fall. \u00c4ven om starten i realiteten blev sen eftermiddag. Utvilad \u00e4r man. \u00c4nnu en helg i vila avklarad. Men det \u00e4r liksom som om vi beh\u00f6ver det d\u00e4r. B\u00e5de K och jag har tr\u00f6tthet i oss.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/IMG_20200115_222800728.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/IMG_20200115_222800728.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/IMG_20200115_222800728.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/IMG_20200115_222800728.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/IMG_20200115_222800728.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/IMG_20200115_222800728.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":14517,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=14517","url_meta":{"origin":45016,"position":5},"title":"\u00c4ter mitt f\u00f6rsta \u00e4pple","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2014-08-27","format":false,"excerpt":"S\u00e5 sitter man h\u00e4r med tekoppen igen d\u00e5. Med en ny oskriven dag framf\u00f6r mig. Tv\u00e5 ton pellets skall in idag ocks\u00e5. Trappor ner, trappor upp med varje s\u00e4ck. Det k\u00e4nns. Men p\u00e5 ett sk\u00f6nt s\u00e4tt. Jag \u00e4r resultatorienterad som det heter p\u00e5 p\u00e5 managementspr\u00e5k s\u00e5 att b\u00e4ra s\u00e4ckar fr\u00e5n\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"1626876","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/1626876.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/1626876.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/1626876.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p68PL2-bI4","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45016","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/24"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=45016"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45016\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45021,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45016\/revisions\/45021"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=45016"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=45016"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=45016"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}