Orkar knappt g\u00e5 till postl\u00e5dan och tillbaks. F\u00e5r l\u00e4gga mig och vila en stund efter\u00e5t. Har man blivit plus \u00e5ttio (eller nittio?) nu utan att m\u00e4rka det? Ja, troligen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Men klarar hj\u00e4lpligt att skotta upp lite f\u00f6r den stora gula pelletstraktorn med en sn\u00e4lle f.d. kabeltattaren i. Men f\u00e5r sitta en stund och pusta efter det ocks\u00e5.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ja och samma sak med disken. F\u00e5gelmatande. Annat under en dag. Lite. F\u00f6ljt av vila.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Man \u00e4r ett vrak s\u00e5h\u00e4r i b\u00f6rjan p\u00e5 det nya \u00e5ret.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eller “mer av ett vrak”. Man var v\u00e4l inte i s\u00e5 god form f\u00f6re.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Men har hopp om b\u00e4ttring.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Men packar en order utan att vila. Alltid n\u00e5got. Lyckas faktiskt f\u00e5 till lite HTML ocks\u00e5. Tr\u00e5kigt \u00e4r f\u00f6rnamnet. Men s\u00e5dant som allts\u00e5 m\u00e5ste g\u00f6ra. Valet om man inte vill g\u00f6ra det denna dag \u00e4r att st\u00e4mma av bokf\u00f6ringskonton. Helt pl\u00f6tsligt verkar till och med HTML vara att f\u00f6redra. Se d\u00e4r. M\u00f6rker g\u00f6r ljuset ljusare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Man f\u00e5r hoppas p\u00e5 morgondagen. Blir \u00e4nnu en kv\u00e4ll med vila. Jag en disktrasa i soffan. Helvete. Det finns mycket att g\u00f6ra.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Minns n\u00e4r barnen var sm\u00e5. Det fanns en trygghet i att man p\u00e5 n\u00e5got s\u00e4tt var genuint \u00e4lskad av n\u00e5gon. L\u00e5ter egoistiskt s\u00e5klart men man \u00e4lskar ju sina barn tillbaks ocks\u00e5. Men d\u00e4r i tre\/fyra\/fem\u2026 \u00e4r k\u00e4nner man ju det d\u00e4r att det verkligen finns n\u00e5gon i v\u00e4rlden som beh\u00f6ver och \u00e4lskar en p\u00e5 riktigt. Sen blir dom ju ton\u00e5ringar och fattar hur dum man egentligen \u00e4r men just under de d\u00e4r \u00e5ren fanns en alldeles speciellt sj\u00e4lvk\u00e4nsla eller trygghet som omsl\u00f6t en. N\u00e5got jag aldrig tidigare upplevt i livet d\u00e4r tvivlet alltid s\u00e5r sina fr\u00f6n p\u00e5 bekr\u00e4ftelsens hav.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fast egentligen var v\u00e4l allt det d\u00e4r inbillning ocks\u00e5. Jag minns en g\u00e5ng. \u00c4ldsten ramlade kull ue p\u00e5 gruset. Var tre kanske. Han sprang gr\u00e5tande mot mig och jag var beredd med b\u00e5de bl\u00e5sa p\u00e5 luft, lugnande ord, kramar och k\u00e4rlek. Men han sprang f\u00f6rbi mig och ropade “mamma, mamma, jag har ramlat\u2026.”. Man h\u00e4mtar sig aldrig fr\u00e5n s\u00e5dant\u2026 (ler :)).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Men att tiden skulle f\u00f6ra en s\u00e5h\u00e4r ut i periferin r\u00e4knade man kanske inte med. Som gammal gubbe finns man s\u00e5klart inte ens. Ja och tittar man runt sig p\u00e5 andra gamla gubbars liv s\u00e5 finns e i princip inte de heller. Ni vet “lever x fortfarande\u2026 det var l\u00e4nge sedan man h\u00f6rde n\u00e5got\u2026” Det \u00e4r i det d\u00e4r man befinner sig nu. Och d\u00e4r skall man befinna sig tills man f\u00f6rhoppningsvis flyter f\u00f6rbi Edsbyn i utsp\u00e4dd askform som kanske g\u00f6dslar de vackra gula n\u00e4ckrosorna vid Noret.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nu m\u00e5ste jag faktiskt f\u00f6rs\u00f6ka f\u00e5 till lite mat och sen h\u00e4mta K. Hon jobbar n\u00e4mligen. Jag har allts\u00e5 inget alls att klaga p\u00e5 som bara sitter h\u00e4r.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nope!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Orkar knappt g\u00e5 till postl\u00e5dan och tillbaks. F\u00e5r l\u00e4gga mig och vila en stund efter\u00e5t. Har man blivit plus \u00e5ttio (eller nittio?) nu utan att m\u00e4rka det? Ja, troligen. Men klarar hj\u00e4lpligt att skotta upp lite f\u00f6r den stora gula pelletstraktorn med en sn\u00e4lle f.d. kabeltattaren i. Men f\u00e5r sitta en stund och pusta efter […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-43872","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betraktelser"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":18472,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=18472","url_meta":{"origin":43872,"position":0},"title":"\u00c4ligheten","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2015-08-20","format":false,"excerpt":"Jag har en god dag. Ja andra dagar brukar vara det ocks\u00e5. Men det \u00e4r v\u00e4dret. Eller D vitaminniv\u00e5erna. \"Bradagar\" skapas. Eller infinner sig.\u00a0 Jobbar s\u00e5klart. Men \u00e4ter lunch ute i det gr\u00f6na. Med bara f\u00f6tter i gr\u00e4set sitter jag d\u00e4r en stund. En katt bredvid. En macka. Fil. Kaffe\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"Clipboard01","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/Clipboard011.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/Clipboard011.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/Clipboard011.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/Clipboard011.png?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":14349,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=14349","url_meta":{"origin":43872,"position":1},"title":"Tekoppstext","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2014-08-11","format":false,"excerpt":"H\u00e4r kommer en tekoppstext igen. Vit rymlig kopp idag s\u00e5 det borde bli mer \u00e4n 2500 tecken. Men ibland vet man inte. Orden tar i alla fall s\u00e4llan slut, det \u00e4r snarare viljan att skriva f\u00f6r er ungef\u00e4r hundra personer som antagligen l\u00e4ser det h\u00e4r idag som under andra dagar.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"19986_StigLindberg_8","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/19986_StigLindberg_8.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/19986_StigLindberg_8.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/19986_StigLindberg_8.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/19986_StigLindberg_8.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":16141,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=16141","url_meta":{"origin":43872,"position":2},"title":"Perspektiv och en \u00e5sna p\u00e5 utflykt","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2015-01-14","format":false,"excerpt":"Jag st\u00e5r en stund i f\u00f6nstret mot \u00f6ster, det som vetter mot berget. Det skall duschas snart men de d\u00e4r kvarvarande stj\u00e4rnorna p\u00e5 himlen f\u00e5ngar mig. Solen finns d\u00e4r bakom berget n\u00e5gonstans. Man kan ana lite ljus, men \u00e4nnu \u00e4r det stj\u00e4rnornas tid, det avl\u00e4gsnas tid. H\u00e4rifr\u00e5n mitt perspektiv ser\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"001","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/0013-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/0013-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/0013-1024x768.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":35468,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=35468","url_meta":{"origin":43872,"position":3},"title":"H som i He…","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2020-07-10","format":false,"excerpt":"Fredag. Som vilken annan dag som helst. S\u00e5klart. N\u00e4r man har l\u00e5tsassemester. Forts\u00e4tter med sm\u00e5projekt. Lever i befrielsen. B\u00f6rjar v\u00e4nja mig vid detta. Bra eftersom pensionen \u00e4r 479 dagar bort. Om man nu lever s\u00e5 l\u00e4nge. Fast denna st\u00e4ndiga vila fungerar s\u00e5klart inte hur l\u00e4nge som helst. Eller ocks\u00e5 g\u00f6r\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/IMG_20190713_091234-EFFECTS.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/IMG_20190713_091234-EFFECTS.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/IMG_20190713_091234-EFFECTS.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/IMG_20190713_091234-EFFECTS.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/IMG_20190713_091234-EFFECTS.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/IMG_20190713_091234-EFFECTS.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":40097,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=40097","url_meta":{"origin":43872,"position":4},"title":"L\u00f6rdagsdansen","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2021-10-23","format":false,"excerpt":"Nickelmonumentet. Foto_ Karin Hedman Vinter. Det \u00e4r det v\u00e4l nu. Vi b\u00e4r i alla fall in pellets K och jag. Som det brukar vara. En g\u00e5ng i m\u00e5naden. Hela l\u00e5nga vintern. N\u00e5got vi g\u00f6r med gl\u00e4dje s\u00e5klart. Det \u00e4r toppen. Hulken beh\u00f6ver varje s\u00e4ck. Huset med. \u00c4r huset n\u00f6jt s\u00e5\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/IMG_20211014_082526-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/IMG_20211014_082526-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/IMG_20211014_082526-scaled.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/IMG_20211014_082526-scaled.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/IMG_20211014_082526-scaled.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/IMG_20211014_082526-scaled.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":21158,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=21158","url_meta":{"origin":43872,"position":5},"title":"Semestersl\u00f6","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2016-08-03","format":false,"excerpt":"Eftermiddagsregn. Sommar, bergen och eftermiddagsregnet har f\u00f6ljt mig sedan jag hittade Los. Man f\u00e5r l\u00e4mna gropen, den som gr\u00e4vs i anletes svett, g\u00e5 in, lyfta boken och sl\u00f6tt sjunka in i den och ner i soffan. Steven King, fast deckare. Nytt men pocket. Fram till matlagning och kv\u00e4llsfilm\/serie-tittning g\u00e5r det\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"cherry tree","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/cherry-tree.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/cherry-tree.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/cherry-tree.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/cherry-tree.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p68PL2-bpC","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43872","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/24"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=43872"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43872\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43873,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43872\/revisions\/43873"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=43872"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=43872"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=43872"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}