{"id":42480,"date":"2022-08-10T08:27:38","date_gmt":"2022-08-10T07:27:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=42480"},"modified":"2022-08-10T08:27:38","modified_gmt":"2022-08-10T07:27:38","slug":"en-gang-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=42480","title":{"rendered":"En g\u00e5ng"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"playing
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I br\u00e4nnbollen. Fotbollen. P\u00e5 isen. Man var v\u00e4l med i “klumpen”. Dom som (motvilligt) fick vara med men mest var en belastning. \u00c4nd\u00e5 minns jag en rolig fotbollsmatch p\u00e5 \u00f6n. N\u00e4r man var<\/span> med. Efter skolan. Ja och en rolig eftermiddag i hockyrinken p\u00e5 andra sidan \u00e5n ocks\u00e5. Fast jag var v\u00e4l aldrig intresserad av n\u00e5got av det d\u00e4r. Kunde inte uppb\u00e5da det d\u00e4r intresset. Gick \u00e5t andra h\u00e5ll. Inga t\u00e5rar f\u00f6r det d\u00e5, inga t\u00e5rar f\u00f6r det nu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag var mycket ensam som barn (ox\u00e5). Men i mycket valde jag nog den ensamheten d\u00e4rf\u00f6r att jag ville g\u00f6ra andra saker \u00e4n dom andra. K\u00e4nde inte behovet av att st\u00e5 h\u00f6gst upp p\u00e5 kullen helt enkelt. Ja och det fanns m\u00e4ngder av saker att g\u00f6ra (d\u00e5 med).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fast jag borde ha blivit det perfekta mobboffret. En s\u00e4rling som jag var definitivt. Varf\u00f6r blev jag inte det? Andra \u00e5kte dit s\u00e5 det small om det. S\u00e5 fort de visade en svaghet. Men inte jag. Aldrig. Konstigt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kanske fattade jag bara inte. Eller ocks\u00e5 brydde jag mig inte. Jag vet inte. Men jag fick och har f\u00e5tt vara den jag \u00e4r under hela mitt liv utan att n\u00e5gon f\u00f6rs\u00f6kt \u00e4ndra p\u00e5 det med sparkar, slag och h\u00e5nfulla ord. \u00c5tminstone har s\u00e5dant inte sagts h\u00f6gt. N\u00e4r jag h\u00f6rt. Eller ocks\u00e5 har jag kanske bara h\u00f6rt illa. Inte velat h\u00f6ra. Samma lika f\u00f6r mig.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fast jag mins\/tror att jag gick omkring d\u00e4r i den d\u00e4r v\u00e4rlden som en lycklig unge. Det fanns s\u00e5 mycket man kunde g\u00f6ra. Jag tror jag ins\u00e5g redan d\u00e5 att ett liv \u00e4r f\u00f6r kort f\u00f6r att g\u00f6ra allt det d\u00e4r man vill. Men skall man hinna g\u00f6ra s\u00e5 mycket som m\u00f6jligt b\u00f6r man k\u00f6ra ig\u00e5ng direkt. Det gick inte att sitta att s\u00e5sa. Projekten var m\u00e5nga.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fast kanske har jag f\u00f6rtr\u00e4ngt saker. Man tror s\u00e5 mycket om sin barndom som egentligen inte \u00e4r sant. Alla soliga dagar p\u00e5 sommaren till exempel. Massor av dom. Ja och regnade det s\u00e5 kom det en skur. Klart. Mer sol.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Senare n\u00e4r man blev med musiken var ju allt det d\u00e4r “s\u00e4rliga” en f\u00f6rdel. D\u00e5 skulle man ju vara lite s\u00e5. N\u00e4r ungdomsg\u00e5rden (S\u00f6dran) \u00e5kte iv\u00e4g p\u00e5 korpaktiviteter (hockeybockey?) l\u00e5ste de helt enkelt d\u00f6rren. Jag satt kvar och spelade gitarr. N\u00e4r de kom tillbaks satt jag fortfarande d\u00e4r och spelade gitarr. Hade s\u00e4llan m\u00e4rkt att de andra varit borta. Ja och jag \u00e4lskade det. Vad hade jag varit utan musiken?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fast \u00e5 andra sidan verkar det ha g\u00e5tt bra f\u00f6r all de som var \u00f6ppet mobbade. De sitter alla p\u00e5 h\u00f6ga positioner och har n\u00e5tt \u00e4ra och ber\u00f6mmelse. “Alla” \u00e4r s\u00e4kert en \u00f6verdrift. En del kom s\u00e4kert aldrig \u00f6ver det dom utsattes f\u00f6r. Men m\u00e5nga gjorde det i alla fall. Vann sina segrar \u00f6ver de som f\u00f6rs\u00f6kte s\u00e4nka dom. Hurra f\u00f6r det. S\u00e5 i mitt fall kanske man skulle \u00f6nskat sig lite mobbing \u00e4nd\u00e5. Men \u00e4n \u00e4r det v\u00e4l iof inte f\u00f6r sent. M\u00f6jligen d\u00e5 att resa sig efter\u00e5t. B\u00e4st n\u00e4r det \u00e4r och blev som alltid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ja och sand (jord) skall ju allt bli till slut. Buddhistisk sandkonst. G\u00f6ra och sen g\u00e5 vidare. Ett liv.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I br\u00e4nnbollen. Fotbollen. P\u00e5 isen. Man var v\u00e4l med i “klumpen”. Dom som (motvilligt) fick vara med men mest var en belastning. \u00c4nd\u00e5 minns jag en rolig fotbollsmatch p\u00e5 \u00f6n. N\u00e4r man var med. Efter skolan. Ja och en rolig eftermiddag i hockyrinken p\u00e5 andra sidan \u00e5n ocks\u00e5. Fast jag var v\u00e4l aldrig intresserad av […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-42480","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-swedish"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":48213,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=48213","url_meta":{"origin":42480,"position":0},"title":"Oxadragaren","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2024-08-12","format":false,"excerpt":"Photo by Mehmet Turgut Kirkgoz on Pexels.com M\u00e5ndag, en hel vecka ligger d\u00e4r framf\u00f6r mig som jungfrulig obruten mark. Fast fel. Det \u00e4r en hel h\u00f6st som ligger d\u00e4r oskriven och v\u00e4ntar p\u00e5 bl\u00e4ck och streck och t\u00e5rar. OJ! Oxdragarveckor hela v\u00e4gen fram till jul. H\u00e4rligt. 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Gitarrerna. Ost\u00e4mda. Oanv\u00e4nda. L\u00e4mnade. Ensamma. Ledsna. Rummet \u00e4r kallst\u00e4llt. H\u00e4r \u00e4r det inte ombonat. H\u00e4r hamnar allt som inte anv\u00e4nds. Jag ser dom varje kv\u00e4ll n\u00e4r jag g\u00e5r och l\u00e4gger mig. 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T\u00e4nk Midsummer. Engelsk landsbygd \u00e4r s\u00e5 vacker. Ja man skulle rent utav kunna t\u00e4nka sig att bo h\u00e4r om man bara fick bo ute p\u00e5 landet. Och det \u00e4r inte bara allt\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"Kate-Moss--Bare_2404142a","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/Kate-Moss-Bare_2404142a.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":48869,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=48869","url_meta":{"origin":42480,"position":3},"title":"En julhistoria","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2024-12-23","format":false,"excerpt":"Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com Jag g\u00e5r p\u00e5 mitt jobb p\u00e5 kv\u00e4llen f\u00f6re julafton. Dan f\u00f6re dan. Jag jobbar extra p\u00e5 ett hospice. Inte som sjukv\u00e5rdspersonal, utan som en hand att h\u00e5lla, eller ett \u00f6ra som lyssnar n\u00e4r det beh\u00f6vs. Ja och det g\u00f6r\u00a0 det ofta. 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Jag som alla andra n\u00e5r fram till v\u00e4gsk\u00e4l och m\u00e5ste v\u00e4lja en av v\u00e4garna fram\u00e5t eftersom bak\u00e5t \u00e4r en absolut f\u00f6rbjuden v\u00e4g att g\u00e5. N\u00e4r vi spelade musik t.ex. hade det varit enklast att ta den d\u00e4r\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/cropped-vscp_wants_you_sparkle_small.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p68PL2-b3a","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42480","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/24"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=42480"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42480\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42482,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42480\/revisions\/42482"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=42480"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=42480"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=42480"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}