{"id":41214,"date":"2022-02-06T15:58:59","date_gmt":"2022-02-06T14:58:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=41214"},"modified":"2022-02-06T15:58:59","modified_gmt":"2022-02-06T14:58:59","slug":"sjalvfortroende-och-sjalvkansla","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=41214","title":{"rendered":"Sj\u00e4lvf\u00f6rtroende och sj\u00e4lvk\u00e4nsla"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Bra<\/em><\/strong>“, och andra lovord, jo de uppst\u00e5r ibland, och \u00e5ker \u00e5t mitt h\u00e5ll, men rinner av innan jag n\u00e4stan hinner uppfatta dom, som vatten rinner av en g\u00e5s. K\u00e4nner inget efter dom d\u00e4r lovorden droppat ner p\u00e5 marken. M\u00f6jligen en sorgsenhet. Men jagar dom \u00e4nd\u00e5. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kritiken d\u00e4remot. Som giftpilar. Som man drar ut ur kroppen med m\u00f6da och kraft s\u00e5 att slamsor och in\u00e4lvor f\u00f6ljer med. Kastar ifr\u00e5n sig. Eldar upp. Men \u00e4nd\u00e5 aldrig blir av med. Giftet ifr\u00e5n dom sitter i under resten av ett liv.Pilar som \u00e4r verkliga och inte g\u00e5r att ignorera.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jo. Jag har bra sj\u00e4lvf\u00f6rtroende men d\u00e5lig sj\u00e4lvk\u00e4nsla. Turligt nog \u00e4r det s\u00e5klart att inte b\u00e5da befinner sig l\u00e5ngt d\u00e4r nere p\u00e5 botten. Men det har s\u00e5klart funnits s\u00e5dan perioder ocks\u00e5. Dock aldrig tid n\u00e4r b\u00e5de befunnit sig p\u00e5 en gnistrande str\u00e5lande topp. Inte ens en nanosekund av s\u00e5dan tid har funnits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c4nd\u00e5 jagar man dom d\u00e4r “bravo” som om de skulle kunna r\u00e4dda ens liv. Ja en “like<\/em>” \u00e4r v\u00e4l inget annat \u00e4n en pappas klapp p\u00e5 en liten pojkes eller flickas h\u00e5r den heller. Eller vad det nu \u00e4r? Fast man vet att d\u00e4r inuti h\u00e4nder ingenting oavsett hur m\u00e5nga man klappar p\u00e5 huvudet man f\u00e5r.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sj\u00e4lvk\u00e4nsla. Att tro att man \u00e4r v\u00e4rd n\u00e5got som bara sig sj\u00e4lv. Det var n\u00e5gon som sa att grabbar (borde v\u00e4l g\u00e4lla tjejer ocks\u00e5) som startar band i unga \u00e5r (“ett s\u00e4tt att skaffa tjejer<\/em>“) \u00e4r typiska exemplar av den d\u00e4r d\u00e5liga sj\u00e4lvk\u00e4nslan. De duger inte som de \u00e4r tycker de. M\u00e5ste bli n\u00e5got annat f\u00f6r att duga. Rockstj\u00e4rnor m\u00e5ste de bli. S\u00e5 de duger. Tror de. Sen hj\u00e4lper det inte \u00e4nd\u00e5. Om man nu r\u00e5kar blir en. Alla “bra<\/em><\/strong>” f\u00e4rdas \u00e4nd\u00e5 igenom en som om man var ett immateriellt sp\u00f6ke. Vid tjugosju finns det bara tv\u00e5 v\u00e4gar kvar att v\u00e4lja f\u00f6r att r\u00e4dda sig. Sluta, leta nya v\u00e4gar, fly eller d\u00f6. Fast b\u00e5da k\u00e4nns som d\u00f6d. Just d\u00e4r. Valet enkelt. F\u00f6r det \u00e4r egentligen inte ett val.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men kanske, om man inte \u00e4r en beroendem\u00e4nniska, d\u00e5 kan man klara sig fr\u00e5n den d\u00e4r jakten p\u00e5 “bra<\/em><\/strong>“. Fast jag tror inte det finns s\u00e5dan m\u00e4nniskor. Beroendem\u00e4nniskan finns d\u00e4r inom oss allesammans. Det finns bara grader i helvetet. Vi skiljer oss bara n\u00e4r det g\u00e4ller vilken h\u00f6jd p\u00e5 trampolinen som vi \u00e4r beredda att hoppa ifr\u00e5n. “Bra<\/em><\/strong>” m\u00e4ssar m\u00e4nniskorna.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men en sak kan man s\u00e5klart g\u00f6ra. Det \u00e4r att arbeta med de d\u00e4r pilarna som det st\u00e5r “d\u00e5ligt<\/em><\/strong>” p\u00e5. Man kan f\u00f6rs\u00f6ka ignorera dom s\u00e5 mycket det g\u00e5r. F\u00f6rs\u00f6ka n\u00e5 samma k\u00e4nsla man har f\u00f6r “d\u00e5ligt<\/em><\/strong>” som man har f\u00f6r “bra<\/em><\/strong>“. Helt lyckas man aldrig. Men en bit p\u00e5 v\u00e4gen kommer man om man f\u00f6rs\u00f6ker. N\u00e4ra \u00e4r det enda man kan hoppas p\u00e5 i allt \u00e4nd\u00e5. I allt. Att \u00f6verleva. G\u00f6ra sitt, det egna, oavsett vad omv\u00e4rlden tycker. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tystnad \u00e4r s\u00e5klart v\u00e4rst. Vid f\u00f6rsta anblicken kan det verka som om det \u00e4r pilarna av “d\u00e5ligt<\/strong><\/em>“som \u00e4r v\u00e4rst. Men att inte finnas alls, det \u00e4r den st\u00f6rsta f\u00f6rminskningen man kan g\u00f6ra av en m\u00e4nniska. Fr\u00e5ga vilken sektledare som helst. De har full koll p\u00e5 det d\u00e4r. S\u00e5 n\u00e5gra “d\u00e5ligt” \u00e4r inte s\u00e5 d\u00e5ligt alltid. D\u00e5 finns man i alla fall. N\u00e5gon tar av sin dyra tid och sl\u00e4nger en \u00e5sikt \u00e5t ens h\u00e5ll dessutom. HURRA<\/strong> f\u00e5r man ropa d\u00e5. Det kunde vara v\u00e4rre. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Bra“, och andra lovord, jo de uppst\u00e5r ibland, och \u00e5ker \u00e5t mitt h\u00e5ll, men rinner av innan jag n\u00e4stan hinner uppfatta dom, som vatten rinner av en g\u00e5s. K\u00e4nner inget efter dom d\u00e4r lovorden droppat ner p\u00e5 marken. M\u00f6jligen en sorgsenhet. Men jagar dom \u00e4nd\u00e5. Kritiken d\u00e4remot. Som giftpilar. Som man drar ut ur kroppen […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-41214","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betraktelser"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":43317,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=43317","url_meta":{"origin":41214,"position":0},"title":"Inte fullm\u00e5ne","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2022-11-10","format":false,"excerpt":"Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com K fyller inte j\u00e4mt f\u00f6rr\u00e4n n\u00e4sta vecka men har redan b\u00f6rjat sl\u00e4pa hem kassar med presenter. Jag k\u00e4nner att jag m\u00e5ste b\u00f6rja erbjuda hugade presentl\u00e4mnare mina tj\u00e4nster. Beh\u00f6vs det k\u00f6rkort f\u00f6r att framf\u00f6ra presenten eller om den \u00e4r tung och det beh\u00f6vs b\u00e4rhj\u00e4lp s\u00e5 st\u00e4ller\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"photo of moon","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/full-moon-moon-bright-sky-47367.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/full-moon-moon-bright-sky-47367.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/full-moon-moon-bright-sky-47367.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/full-moon-moon-bright-sky-47367.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/full-moon-moon-bright-sky-47367.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":39610,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=39610","url_meta":{"origin":41214,"position":1},"title":"Dom?","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2021-08-17","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Jag skall nog visa dom\". Jo jag har nog sagt det till mig sj\u00e4lv sen tio\u00e5rs\u00e5ldern. M\u00e5nga g\u00e5nger. 64*365 ~23000 n\u00e5gonting borde det bli. Ja, l\u00e4gg till 10000 p\u00e5 det. Sv\u00e5ra dar har jag nog sagt eller t\u00e4nkt det d\u00e4r mer \u00e4n en g\u00e5ng p\u00e5 ett dygn. Nu s\u00e5h\u00e4r med\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/IMG_20210811_225118-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/IMG_20210811_225118-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/IMG_20210811_225118-scaled.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/IMG_20210811_225118-scaled.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/IMG_20210811_225118-scaled.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/IMG_20210811_225118-scaled.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":6935,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=6935","url_meta":{"origin":41214,"position":2},"title":"F\u00f6rbannad p\u00e5 mig sj\u00e4lv","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2013-04-23","format":false,"excerpt":"Blir irriterad p\u00e5 mig sj\u00e4lv h\u00e4r p\u00e5 morgonen och sv\u00e4r lite. Har varit arbetsl\u00f6s nu under \u00e5tta m\u00e5nader. N\u00e5gra f\u00e5 intervjuer och ***MASSOR*** av nej. P\u00e5 marknaden \u00e4r jag en gammal och v\u00e4rdel\u00f6s gubbe. Det m\u00e5ste ju vara s\u00e5 man ses. Det svider tamefan. Just f\u00f6r att jag vet vad\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"kidfinger_32512319","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/kidfinger_32512319.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1720,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=1720","url_meta":{"origin":41214,"position":3},"title":"Var kommer orden ifr\u00e5n","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2012-10-14","format":false,"excerpt":"Jag vet inte var tonerna till musiken kommer ifr\u00e5n. Jag vet inte var orden till musiken kommer ifr\u00e5n. Allt det d\u00e4r som dyker upp i huvudet och pockar p\u00e5 att komma ut har en slags egen vilja att f\u00f6das och leva sj\u00e4lvst\u00e4ndigt utanf\u00f6r oss. Jag f\u00f6rundras \u00f6ver dess kraft och\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":22740,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=22740","url_meta":{"origin":41214,"position":4},"title":"Senast l\u00e4sta bok","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2017-01-03","format":false,"excerpt":"Kom p\u00e5 att jag faktiskt l\u00e4ste klart en bok i helgen.... Miniatyrmakaren av Jessie Burton Det st\u00e5r n\u00e5gonstans att den h\u00e4r boken skall vara lite som Steglitsan av Donna Tartt men det \u00e4r den s\u00e5klart inte, s\u00e5 inledningsvis blir jag f\u00f6rbannat besviken. F\u00f6r Steglitsan ing\u00e5r i min top-tio-f\u00f6r-evigt-bokh\u00f6g. Tror jag\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "B\u00f6cker"","block_context":{"text":"B\u00f6cker","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=13"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/burton_miniatyrmakaren_omslag_inb-667x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":41656,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=41656","url_meta":{"origin":41214,"position":5},"title":"En idiot troligen allts\u00e5","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2022-03-31","format":false,"excerpt":"Photo by Caroline Martins on Pexels.com Det \u00e4r m\u00e4rkligt hur man kan k\u00e4nna att vissa personer inte tycker om en f\u00f6rsta g\u00e5ngen man tr\u00e4ffar dom, ja ocks\u00e5 om man sj\u00e4lv st\u00e5r d\u00e4r med ett \u00f6ppet sinne. Eller det d\u00e4r att man kommer in i ett rum med ok\u00e4nda och n\u00e4stan\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"unrecognizable tourist dancing near old lighthouse under cloudy sky","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/pexels-photo-4317479.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/pexels-photo-4317479.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/pexels-photo-4317479.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/pexels-photo-4317479.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p68PL2-aIK","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41214","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/24"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=41214"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41214\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41216,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41214\/revisions\/41216"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=41214"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=41214"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=41214"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}