{"id":37128,"date":"2020-12-11T08:37:09","date_gmt":"2020-12-11T07:37:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=37128"},"modified":"2020-12-11T08:37:09","modified_gmt":"2020-12-11T07:37:09","slug":"nar-vemodet-rullar-in","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=37128","title":{"rendered":"N\u00e4r vemodet rullar in"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"woman
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Det d\u00e4r bl\u00e5 s\u00e4nker sig \u00f6ver mig, jag k\u00e4nner det redan under kv\u00e4llen ig\u00e5r. Det \u00e4r det stora vemodet som rullar in, s\u00e5 som det s\u00e5 fint skaldas. Den d\u00e4r k\u00e4nslan av att var liten, ynklig, synd om, ensammast i v\u00e4rlden, fyller mig som den l\u00e4ttaste av en av vinden uppburen sidenfiltar, den som saknar tyngd, men \u00e4nd\u00e5 skymmer ljuset. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag l\u00e5ter det d\u00e4r komma. Det \u00e4r en gammal v\u00e4n. Varje jul i hela mitt liv har det d\u00e4r l\u00e4tta tungsinnet drabbat mig. Om det \u00e4r m\u00f6rkret som lockar det hit vet jag inte. Kanske. Eller ocks\u00e5 \u00e4r det bara julen. Allt som h\u00f6gtiden f\u00f6r med sig, framf\u00f6rallt f\u00f6r dem som inte \u00e4r s\u00e5 lyckligt lottade som vi \u00e4r h\u00e4r p\u00e5 v\u00e5r kulle. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag vill dra mig undan. G\u00e5 in i \u00c5kes v\u00e4rld. Fast s\u00e5 stor skillnad blir det s\u00e5klart inte nu f\u00f6r tiden ens om jag f\u00f6ljer det sp\u00e5ret. Min telefon ringer ocks\u00e5 normalt bara om det \u00e4r en telefonf\u00f6rs\u00e4ljare. Min mailkorg fylls bara med l\u00e5tsasarbetsrelaterat. Dom sociala kontakterna inskr\u00e4nker sig till sotaren, nu n\u00e4r inte ens posten l\u00e4ngre tittar in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag hade en farbror som gick in och ur depressioner. F\u00f6rlamande tillst\u00e5nd f\u00f6ljda av stor eufori. Kanske \u00e4r det h\u00e4r en del av samma sak. Fast en mildare variant. Jag k\u00e4nner \u00e4nd\u00e5 de d\u00e4r sv\u00e4ngningarna \u00f6ver \u00e5ret jag med. Fast jag tror nog att alla har det d\u00e4r. Om de k\u00e4nner efter. Undrar varf\u00f6r. Orkar undra. Inte bara ringer in och sjukskriver sig eller stoppar in ett lyckopiller f\u00f6r att d\u00f6va allt som k\u00e4nns.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fast jag har alltid v\u00e4lkomnat den h\u00e4r bl\u00e5 k\u00e4nslan. Den kommer n\u00e4mligen tillsammans med kreativiteten. Oftast \u00e4r den som st\u00f6rst just i det h\u00e4r. S\u00e5 jag brukar f\u00f6lja den d\u00e4r skaparlusten. G\u00e5 all in in i den v\u00e4rlden. D\u00e5 hinner man inte t\u00e4nka och fundera s\u00e5 mycket p\u00e5 annat. Det \u00e4r bara att knappa p\u00e5 eller eller g\u00e5 helt in i vad man nu \u00e4r inne i f\u00f6r sp\u00e5r f\u00f6r tillf\u00e4llet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u00e5 julen startar v\u00e4l h\u00e4r och nu d\u00e5 ungef\u00e4r p\u00e5 v\u00e5r kulle. I alla fall f\u00f6r mig. Imorgon skall det julst\u00e4dats. S\u00e4kert dan efter det ocks\u00e5. Jultv\u00e4ttat har jag gjort hela veckan. Julbakandet p\u00e5g\u00e5r dygnet runt d\u00e4r uppe. Bara katterna synes op\u00e5verkade av det hela. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men det \u00e4r med lugn och tillf\u00f6rsikt l\u00e5ngt bort fr\u00e5n hoppl\u00f6shet jag g\u00e5r in i det h\u00e4r. Sk\u00e4rmar och datorer \u00e4r ig\u00e5ng h\u00e4r p\u00e5 l\u00e5tsaskontoret. Det \u00e4r varmt och sk\u00f6nt. Ljuset brinner. Tekoppen \u00e4r varm. Verktyg och magi som tar mig vidare ut i ljuset.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kan en m\u00e4nniska \u00e4lska s\u00e5 mycket en g\u00e5ng i livet att hen aldrig mer m\u00e4ktar med att \u00e4lska n\u00e5gon p\u00e5 riktigt igen?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Det d\u00e4r bl\u00e5 s\u00e4nker sig \u00f6ver mig, jag k\u00e4nner det redan under kv\u00e4llen ig\u00e5r. Det \u00e4r det stora vemodet som rullar in, s\u00e5 som det s\u00e5 fint skaldas. Den d\u00e4r k\u00e4nslan av att var liten, ynklig, synd om, ensammast i v\u00e4rlden, fyller mig som den l\u00e4ttaste av en av vinden uppburen sidenfiltar, den som saknar […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37128","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betraktelser"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":6334,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=6334","url_meta":{"origin":37128,"position":0},"title":"Citrontr\u00e4det","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2013-04-01","format":false,"excerpt":"Citrontr\u00e4det blev den naturliga symbolen f\u00f6r \"handladagen\". On\u00f6digt, men varmt, levande och h\u00e4rligt. Det kommer att f\u00e5 en given plats i biblioteket under vintern och f\u00e5 st\u00e5 ute p\u00e5 ett varmt h\u00e4rligt soligt st\u00e4lle under sommaren. D\u00e4r p\u00e5 en plats d\u00e4r det kan st\u00e5 lite ensamt och njuta och se\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"Citrontr\u00e4d 5823","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/Citrontr%C3%A4d-5823-1024x749.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/Citrontr%C3%A4d-5823-1024x749.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/Citrontr%C3%A4d-5823-1024x749.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":18279,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=18279","url_meta":{"origin":37128,"position":1},"title":"Berget","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2015-07-17","format":false,"excerpt":"Sm\u00e5sve. Envetna. Massor. Svensk sommar. H\u00f6r till s\u00e5klart men gillas inte. Men inget att g\u00f6ra n\u00e5got \u00e5t. Sm\u00e5sve eller jordb\u00e4vningar. Man f\u00e5r v\u00e4lja fritt. En av dom m\u00e5ste man acceptera. Min l\u00e4ngtan efter obruten horisont tilltar. Skogen sp\u00e4r p\u00e5 det d\u00e4r. Tills det blir som en kokande kittel, en tryckkokare\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"007","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/007-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/007-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/007-1024x768.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":13311,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=13311","url_meta":{"origin":37128,"position":2},"title":"Men skit i det nu, \u00e5k och k\u00f6p en ny Iphone!","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2014-05-31","format":false,"excerpt":"Man vinner och borde k\u00e4nna den d\u00e4r om\u00e5ttliga gl\u00e4djen som alla verkar k\u00e4nna efter att ha vunnit. Idrottsstj\u00e4rnorna som skriker och jublar och sprutar bubbelvatten p\u00e5 varandra. Ja, man har ju den d\u00e4r bilden i huvudet och man \u00e4r ju en segrare, man borde helt enkelt vara f\u00f6rbannat glad n\u00e4r\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"2011-08-14 17.18.26","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/2011-08-14-17.18.26-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/2011-08-14-17.18.26-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/2011-08-14-17.18.26-1024x768.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":32665,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=32665","url_meta":{"origin":37128,"position":3},"title":"S\u00f6ndag","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2019-08-04","format":false,"excerpt":"Om man nu skulle vilja l\u00e4ra k\u00e4nna mig. Allts\u00e5 veta vem jag egentligen \u00e4r bakom alla masker. D\u00e5 skall man nog lyssna p\u00e5 dom h\u00e4r l\u00e5tarna. Sen vet man. S\u00e4g vilken musik du lyssnar p\u00e5 och jag skall s\u00e4ga vem du \u00e4r. Min devis. Men det m\u00e5ste s\u00e5klart vara den\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190804_162308665.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190804_162308665.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190804_162308665.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190804_162308665.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190804_162308665.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190804_162308665.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":8183,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=8183","url_meta":{"origin":37128,"position":4},"title":"Horisonten","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2013-08-04","format":false,"excerpt":"Jag har sett havet idag. Obruten horisont. Egentligen \u00e4r det det enda jag beh\u00f6ver. Lukten av ruttnande t\u00e5ng, vindarna, n\u00e5gra t\u00e4rnor och m\u00e5sar och just det, obruten horisont. F\u00f6r nog anar man att det \u00e4r ett runt klot man st\u00e5r p\u00e5 n\u00e4r man ser havet f\u00f6rsvinna d\u00e4r i fj\u00e4rran och\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"horisont","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/horisont.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/horisont.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/horisont.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":9277,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=9277","url_meta":{"origin":37128,"position":5},"title":"September","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2013-09-04","format":false,"excerpt":"Jag sitter ute under \u00e4ppeltr\u00e4det p\u00e5 lunchen. Man m\u00e5ste. \u00c4r tvingad till det f\u00f6r att man vet hur f\u00e5 s\u00e5dana h\u00e4r fina dagar det \u00e4r kvar innan det drar kalla vindar kring gula hus p\u00e5 kullar i Lo[o]s. Vet hur n\u00e4ra det \u00e4r till sn\u00f6stormar, dubbd\u00e4ck och kl\u00e4der i lager\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"IMG_20130904_130618","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/IMG_20130904_130618.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/IMG_20130904_130618.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/IMG_20130904_130618.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/IMG_20130904_130618.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/IMG_20130904_130618.jpg?resize=1050%2C600 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/IMG_20130904_130618.jpg?resize=1400%2C800 4x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p68PL2-9EQ","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37128","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/24"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=37128"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37128\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37131,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37128\/revisions\/37131"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=37128"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=37128"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=37128"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}