{"id":36949,"date":"2020-11-30T08:40:52","date_gmt":"2020-11-30T07:40:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=36949"},"modified":"2020-11-30T08:40:52","modified_gmt":"2020-11-30T07:40:52","slug":"fagel-fenix-har-rest-sig-ur-askan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=36949","title":{"rendered":"F\u00e5gel fenix har rest sig ur askan"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Det pirrar lite. Jag river s\u00f6nder. Kastar bort. \u00c5r av l\u00e5tsasarbete. Tiotusentals rader av kod. V\u00e4l bortkastat b\u00f6rjar jag bygga igen. Tv\u00e5 timmar och jag har en ren kompilering. F\u00e5gel fenix har rest sig ur askan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Det \u00e4r sv\u00e5rt att ha ihj\u00e4l sina \u00e4lsklingar. Men alla som skapar n\u00e5got, inte bara sl\u00f6titta p\u00e5 en sk\u00e4rm, \u00e5ker med, vet att man m\u00e5ste. I mitt fall \u00e4r det fungerande kod som \u00e5ker i papperskorgen. Testad. Klar. Ja i alla fall s\u00e5 klar som kod kan bli. Men ner i de icke \u00f6nskv\u00e4rdas och gl\u00f6mdas arkiv \u00e5ker den. Rad f\u00f6r rad. En hel del rader \u00e4r riktigt vackra. Andra innovativa. Allt sett genom faderens \u00f6gon d\u00e5 s\u00e5klart. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Det sl\u00e5r mig. Det h\u00e4r \u00e4r som att ta sitt liv. Det \u00e4r beslutet att g\u00f6ra det som \u00e4r det sv\u00e5ra. V\u00e4l taget. En n\u00e5gorlunda l\u00e4tt resa. Lika s\u00e5 med det man lagt enormt mycket arbete, sin sj\u00e4l och energi p\u00e5. Skall man l\u00e4gga ner kr\u00e4vs ett beslut som \u00e4r v\u00e4ldigt tufft. Beslut v\u00e4l taget, l\u00e4ttnad fyller v\u00e4rlden och eftersom oj\u00e4mvikt inte f\u00e5r finnas i universum b\u00f6rjar snart tomrummet fyllas med nytt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u00e5 det h\u00e4nder. Jag drabbas av en nyt\u00e4ndning. Kan n\u00e4stan inte g\u00e5 och l\u00e4gga mig. Hj\u00e4rnan rusar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u00e5 h\u00e4r sitter jag nu. Det \u00e4r m\u00e5ndag morgon. Jag vaknar vid halv fem och kan n\u00e4stan inte l\u00e5ta bli att g\u00e5 ner till l\u00e5tsaskontoret och forts\u00e4tta. Men tvingar mig att sova tv\u00e5 timmar till. Jag kom \u00e4nd\u00e5 inte i s\u00e4ng f\u00f6rr\u00e4n en bra bit efter tolv. Beh\u00f6ver den d\u00e4r extra tiden vila. F\u00f6r att orka. Sen. V\u00e4l nere. Jag kan allts\u00e5 fortfarande resonera hj\u00e4lpligt. Trots ruset.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Det skulle kunna vara deprimerande. Men processen \u00e4r \u00e4nd\u00e5 allt. Jag har njutit n\u00e4r jag skapat den d\u00e4r nu bortkastade koden. Inte s\u00e5 att det varit en lustresa. Det \u00e4r ofta en kamp att sitta d\u00e4r. Att orka g\u00e5 ner igen till l\u00e5tsaskontoret och forts\u00e4tta efter middagen n\u00e4r man \u00e4r tr\u00f6tt hela v\u00e4gen ner till yttersta spetsen av sin h\u00f6gra lillt\u00e5nageln. En h\u00e5rd kamp ganska ofta till och med d\u00e4r viljan f\u00f6r en st\u00e4ndig och ensam kamp. Men utan att k\u00e4nna en gl\u00e4djen skulle man s\u00e5klart inte kunna forts\u00e4tta. Jag samlar inga bel\u00f6ningar, ryggklappar, priser, eller stora pengar f\u00f6r mitt l\u00e5tsasarbete. Det \u00e4r s\u00e4llan det ramlar in n\u00e5got p\u00e5 de d\u00e4r kontona i mitt liv. Lusten och gl\u00e4djen \u00f6ver att skapa \u00e4r den bel\u00f6ning jag kan hoppas p\u00e5. S\u00e5 l\u00e4nge jag fortfarande k\u00e4nner den s\u00e5 \u00e4r det OK att forts\u00e4tta. Eller om jag nu har ett val. Kanske m\u00e5sta jag.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tack, han\/hon\/det\/gud j\u00e4mvikten f\u00f6r att jag fortfarande k\u00e4nner det d\u00e4r pirret, lusten, sp\u00e4nningen i att skapa skapa nytt. Vem och vad vore jag annars? Nu kan jag i alla fall inbilla mig att min existens kanske \u00e4nd\u00e5 \u00e4r ber\u00e4ttigad. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Det pirrar lite. Jag river s\u00f6nder. Kastar bort. \u00c5r av l\u00e5tsasarbete. Tiotusentals rader av kod. V\u00e4l bortkastat b\u00f6rjar jag bygga igen. Tv\u00e5 timmar och jag har en ren kompilering. F\u00e5gel fenix har rest sig ur askan. Det \u00e4r sv\u00e5rt att ha ihj\u00e4l sina \u00e4lsklingar. Men alla som skapar n\u00e5got, inte bara sl\u00f6titta p\u00e5 en sk\u00e4rm, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-36949","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betraktelser"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":43593,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=43593","url_meta":{"origin":36949,"position":0},"title":"Fiskarna","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2022-12-11","format":false,"excerpt":"Photo by Peter Simmons on Pexels.com Hulken och jag k\u00e4mpar p\u00e5. OK Hulken g\u00f6r det mesta av jobbet. Jag matar Hulken. R\u00e4tt skall vara r\u00e4tt. S\u00e5klart. Fast ungef\u00e4r hundra sp\u00e4nn s\u00e4cken. Och man f\u00e5r ladda sex s\u00e4ckar f\u00f6r ett dygn. Svider. 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Ja, f\u00f6r er som normalt inte l\u00e4ser den h\u00e4r bloggen s\u00e5 kanske \"tanterna\" kr\u00e4ver en f\u00f6rklaring. \"Tanterna\" \u00e4r n\u00e4mligen mina pelargoner. Dom har inga individuella namn h\u00e4r p\u00e5 l\u00e5tsaskontoret. Gruppnamn g\u00e4ller. \"Tanterna\" allts\u00e5. 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Handlar bananer. \u00c5ker hem. Fortfarande yrslig. Men kaffe. En dator. L\u00e5tsasjobb. Det l\u00f6ser sig. Eller s\u00e5 g\u00f6r det inte det. Man vet... sen. Kanske. Imorgon Hudiksvall. Sjukv\u00e5rden igen. Prostatakoll. 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En helg har rasat iv\u00e4g igen i en grisblink. Jag som hade trott att jag skulle hinna s\u00e5 mycket, komma n\u00e4rmare \"klar\", har knappt r\u00f6rt mig ur fl\u00e4cken och \u00e4nd\u00e5 s\u00e5 har jag d\u00e5 suttit h\u00e4r och knappat i anletes\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"sedlar","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/sedlar.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":51681,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=51681","url_meta":{"origin":36949,"position":5},"title":"Tystnaden","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2026-04-15","format":false,"excerpt":"Under tjugotv\u00e5 av de tjugofem \u00e5r som jag utvecklat VSCP under s\u00e5 har det funnits ganska m\u00e5nga m\u00e4nniskor att diskutera och prata med om projektet. Charles i London t\u00e4nker jag p\u00e5 speciellt. 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