{"id":35081,"date":"2020-05-11T20:02:46","date_gmt":"2020-05-11T19:02:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=35081"},"modified":"2023-05-21T22:00:50","modified_gmt":"2023-05-21T21:00:50","slug":"dubbelt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=35081","title":{"rendered":"Dubbelt"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Dubbla glas\u00f6gon \u00e4r n\u00e5got man f\u00e5r ta till. F\u00f6r att kunna g\u00f6ra n\u00e5got alls. Allt \u00e4r p\u00e5 gr\u00e4nsen h\u00e4r. \u00d6gondroppar r\u00e4ddar lite dom med. Jod\u00e5, har f\u00f6rstoringsglas ocks\u00e5. Men mest handlar det om t\u00e5lamod och j\u00e4vlaranamma.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trist \u00e4r ordet. Tr\u00f6tt ett annat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c4nd\u00e5 blir det en del. P\u00e5 l\u00e5tsas s\u00e5klart. Ur mina h\u00e4nder kommer inget som \u00e4r p\u00e5 riktigt. Men sj\u00e4lv \u00e4r jag n\u00f6jd med det d\u00e4r. Det f\u00e5r duga. \u00c5tminstone i brist p\u00e5 annat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fast ibland undrar jag s\u00e5klart om jag ens existerar. Hur vet man det? Liksom<\/strong>. Tror kan man ju. En del kan till och med se sig levandes och glad p\u00e5 TV eller i tidningarna. Tar det som bevis p\u00e5 sin existens. Men vi andra. Kan man vara s\u00e4ker p\u00e5 att man finns? Icke \u00e4r mitt svar. Man f\u00e5r tro det. Som i kyrkan. Tron p\u00e5 \u00f6verh\u00f6ghet. En herre. Eller g\u00e5 p\u00e5 \u00e4nd\u00e5. Inte fundera s\u00e5 mycket.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Att avsluta eldnings\u00e4songen i och med maj har ett pris. Man f\u00e5r kl\u00e4 p\u00e5 sig. Hatar att frysa<\/strong>. En pall pellets \u00e4r bara ett telefonsamtal bort. Men man f\u00e5r h\u00e5lla ut. Familjen \u00e4r \u00f6verens d\u00e4r. Jag m\u00f6jligen den som vacklar mest. Den svage. Som ger sig. Men anstr\u00e4nger sig lite, st\u00e5r ut. \u00c4nnu…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brorsan m\u00e5ste ha varit strax \u00f6ver trettio n\u00e4r jag b\u00f6rjade l\u00e4sa fysik i Uppsala. Jag kommer p\u00e5 det d\u00e4r en natt os\u00f6kt n\u00e4r tankarna far omkring som galopperande h\u00e4star p\u00e5 en pr\u00e4rie. Han hade fru och tre barn. Jag tyckte han var gammal, erfaren och stadgad. Fast han var allts\u00e5 inte \u00e4ldre \u00e4n vad min \u00e4ldste son \u00e4r nu. Perspektiven f\u00f6r\u00e4ndras. Gillar hur ocks\u00e5 minnena \u00e4ndras med de d\u00e4r nya perspektiven och kunskapen som byggs p\u00e5.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tyckte nog sj\u00e4lv att jag var r\u00e4tt vis d\u00e5 och d\u00e4r i Uppsala. Men det avtog med \u00e5ren. Precis som det skall g\u00f6ra under en universitetsutbildning. Fattar man inte att man vet j\u00e4vligt lite om v\u00e4rlden efter fyra \u00e5r d\u00e4r s\u00e5 har man misslyckats Kunskap \u00e4r v\u00e4l inte det man har samlat p\u00e5 sig utan det man har framf\u00f6r sig att h\u00e4mta in. Fr\u00e5n den akademiska v\u00e4rlden f\u00e5r man ryggs\u00e4cken som g\u00f6r att man tror att man verkligen kan h\u00e4mta in resten. Om man vill .Om man orkar. Kursen tar liksom aldrig slut. Jag hoppas i alla fall att det sista jag g\u00f6r \u00e4r att l\u00e4ra mig n\u00e5got nytt. G\u00e4rna n\u00e5got som f\u00e5r mig att utbrista “va fan!”, “det trodde man ju inte…”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men buggar hittar sig inte sj\u00e4lva. De m\u00e5ste s\u00f6kas efter. Jag \u00e4r sp\u00e5rhund. En evig s\u00e5dan. B\u00e4st att forts\u00e4tta med det d\u00e5 s\u00e5ledes. Livet \u00e4r f\u00f6r kort f\u00f6r annat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Liksom<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dubbla glas\u00f6gon \u00e4r n\u00e5got man f\u00e5r ta till. F\u00f6r att kunna g\u00f6ra n\u00e5got alls. Allt \u00e4r p\u00e5 gr\u00e4nsen h\u00e4r. \u00d6gondroppar r\u00e4ddar lite dom med. Jod\u00e5, har f\u00f6rstoringsglas ocks\u00e5. Men mest handlar det om t\u00e5lamod och j\u00e4vlaranamma. Trist \u00e4r ordet. Tr\u00f6tt ett annat. \u00c4nd\u00e5 blir det en del. P\u00e5 l\u00e5tsas s\u00e5klart. Ur mina h\u00e4nder kommer inget […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35081","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betraktelser"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":18888,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=18888","url_meta":{"origin":35081,"position":0},"title":"Fler borde prova","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2015-10-27","format":false,"excerpt":"Blommorna i amplarna p\u00e5 bron h\u00e4nger med \u00e4n. Det \u00e4r n\u00e5got konstigt med det. I slutet av oktober skall de ligga f\u00f6rfrusna i komposten. D\u00f6ende. Saknade. Men nu f\u00e5r man komma ih\u00e5g att vattna. D\u00e5 och d\u00e5.\u00a0 Har inte mage att kasta dom. Inte \u00e4n. Nej. Definitivt inte. Dom f\u00e5r\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"tavla","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/tavla1-1024x768.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/tavla1-1024x768.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/tavla1-1024x768.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":23494,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=23494","url_meta":{"origin":35081,"position":1},"title":"Inte fastna bara…","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2017-02-26","format":false,"excerpt":"En \"j\u00e4vligt bra bok\" f\u00e5r mig att stanna kvar i soffan f\u00f6rmiddag och st\u00f6rre delen av eftermiddagen. Den m\u00e5ste l\u00e4sas klart. Japp det finns annat att g\u00f6ra. Min vecka har egentligen startat. Men jag l\u00e4ser och l\u00e4ser och l\u00e4r mig och njuter och l\u00e4ser klart. Ja det kan inte hj\u00e4lpas\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/20170124_084030-1024x576.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/20170124_084030-1024x576.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/20170124_084030-1024x576.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":18849,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=18849","url_meta":{"origin":35081,"position":2},"title":"Misstr\u00f6stanstid","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2015-10-21","format":false,"excerpt":"Ibland k\u00e4nns livet precis p\u00e5 samma s\u00e4tt som den h\u00e4r bilden s\u00e5 tydligt \u00e5sk\u00e5dligg\u00f6r. Man sliter, g\u00f6r sitt b\u00e4sta, men responsen \u00e4r alltid noll.\u00a0 Det \u00e4r tungt och man letar de d\u00e4r krafterna nere i t\u00e5rna som ibland g\u00e5r att hitta just d\u00e4r och ta till f\u00f6r att orka g\u00e5\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"Clipboard01","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/Clipboard01.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":22246,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=22246","url_meta":{"origin":35081,"position":3},"title":"Att t\u00e4nka efter eller inte t\u00e4nka efter….","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2016-11-23","format":false,"excerpt":"Period tv\u00e5. Tr\u00f6tt. Men reser mig och g\u00e5r ner. Som vanligt. Den gr\u00f6na IKEA soffan f\u00f6rs\u00f6ker h\u00e5lla mig kvar, suger tag i mig, h\u00e5ller fast i mig, men jag s\u00e4ger ett best\u00e4mt NEJ, reser mig upp, g\u00e5r ut genom d\u00f6rren och ner till l\u00e5tsaskontoret. Det finns inget annat s\u00e4tt att\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"20161123_174944","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/20161123_174944-1024x576.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/20161123_174944-1024x576.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/20161123_174944-1024x576.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":47549,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=47549","url_meta":{"origin":35081,"position":4},"title":"Levebr\u00f6d","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2024-04-17","format":false,"excerpt":"Photo by Ivan J. Long on Pexels.com P\u00e5 v\u00e4garna idag. Ljusdal ggr tv\u00e5. 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P\u00e5 norrsidan allts\u00e5. S\u00f6dersidans sn\u00f6m\u00e4ngder har redan brakat av. Kaboooom. Rakt p\u00e5 plommontr\u00e4det. S\u00e5klart. Var skulle sn\u00f6n annars hamna? Liksom. Fast framsidan (norrsidan) kvar allts\u00e5. 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