{"id":33946,"date":"2019-12-30T21:56:01","date_gmt":"2019-12-30T20:56:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=33946"},"modified":"2019-12-30T21:56:01","modified_gmt":"2019-12-30T20:56:01","slug":"halt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=33946","title":{"rendered":"Halt"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Det \u00e4r halt. Som vanligt kan man g\u00e5 ut i kurvan h\u00e4r utanf\u00f6r, st\u00e5 d\u00e4r tills det sl\u00e4pper, och utan st\u00f6rre f\u00f6rdr\u00f6jning \u00e4r man nere i byn och flyger in p\u00e5 ICA. Sv\u00e5rare att ta sig upp p\u00e5 kullen igen. Allts\u00e5 stannar man hemma. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lite feg numera n\u00e4r det g\u00e4ller halka. \u00c4nd\u00e5 rasar jag ner f\u00f6r k\u00e4llartrappen efter att ha matat f\u00e5glarna ig\u00e5r. Hela. \u00d6m i kroppen idag. Ett helt OK utfall av ett totalfall kan man s\u00e4ga. Blir dock inte modigare av det d\u00e4r. Man sandar allts\u00e5 idag. F\u00f6re. Inte efter. B\u00f6rjar bli sandbrist. Fanns sv\u00e5righeter med enarmsfyllandet av sand fr\u00e5n grustag under sommar\/h\u00f6st. Men man f\u00e5r visst fylla en hink hos kommunen. \u00c5tminstone \u00e4r det s\u00e5 i Ljusdal. Man f\u00e5r f\u00f6rs\u00f6ka den v\u00e4gen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

L\u00e5tsasarbetsdag idag. F\u00e5r en del gjort. Faktiskt. Glad f\u00f6r det. Knappast n\u00e5gon annan dock. Allts\u00e5 som gl\u00e4ds. Men det \u00e4r som det \u00e4r. Jag g\u00f6r det jag m\u00e5ste f\u00f6r att sj\u00e4lv kunna \u00f6verleva. Ja kanske till och med f\u00f6r att orka leva. Man \u00e4r den man \u00e4r. Nu som d\u00e5. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag hade kamrater som hade br\u00f6der, systrar, mammor, pappor och annan sl\u00e4kt som kom n\u00e4r vi spelade p\u00e5 olika tillst\u00e4llningar. Det hade aldrig jag. Fast kanske var livet enklare f\u00f6r en s\u00e5dan som mig. Frihet. Man skall aldrig tro att gr\u00e4set \u00e4r b\u00e4ttre bara f\u00f6r att det lyser gr\u00f6nare d\u00e4r p\u00e5 andra sidan. Oftast \u00e4r det bara en illusion. Men ibland v\u00e4rker s\u00e5dant d\u00e4r till. De d\u00e4r g\u00e5ngerna man skulle vilja h\u00f6ra ett “jag \u00e4lskar dig” fr\u00e5n n\u00e5gon som verkligen menar det. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men de flesta har v\u00e4l inte support bakifr\u00e5n \u00e4nd\u00e5. Det finns alltid fler som hugger ner och bromsar \u00e4n som lyfter och bygger upp och puttar p\u00e5. Jag har alltid f\u00f6rs\u00f6kt vara en s\u00e5dan som lyfter ist\u00e4llet f\u00f6r att s\u00e4nka folk. Jag vet ju vad det betyder att inte bli lyft. Fast helst vill ju folk h\u00f6ra s\u00e5dant fr\u00e5n “kungen”, vem han\/hon\/det nu \u00e4r f\u00f6r dagen. Men hellre s\u00e4ga jag n\u00e5got uppmuntrande \u00e4n \u00e4r en tr\u00e5km\u00e5ns som genererar bak\u00e5tvolter och sv\u00e4rta i n\u00e5gons annans liv. Trotts det skulle jag aldrig orkat leva ett helt liv med mig sj\u00e4lv s\u00e5klart. Vi f\u00f6rs\u00f6ker g\u00e5 en bit ifr\u00e5n varandra jag och jag. V\u00e4rre \u00e4r det s\u00e5klart f\u00f6r de i min n\u00e4rhet som ser de d\u00e4r tv\u00e5 som en. P\u00e5frestande s\u00e5klart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fast nog blev det lite deppig st\u00e4mning h\u00e4r nu allt. Det var s\u00e5klart inte meningen. fast det \u00e4r s\u00e5klart s\u00e5 att jag aldrig varit den d\u00e4r riktigt glade gubben. Det finns ett m\u00f6rker. Det jag h\u00e5ller mig ovanf\u00f6r genom att jobba. Ja, l\u00e5tsasjobba. Fast jag beh\u00f6ver faktiskt det d\u00e4r m\u00f6rkret. Utan det hade jag varit n\u00e5gon annan. Man vill ju \u00e4nd\u00e5 vara den man nu blev. S\u00e5 k\u00e4nner i alla fall jag. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fast “‘\u00e4lska mig f\u00f6r den jag \u00e4r” (Ainbusk) har jag aldrig v\u00e5gat mig p\u00e5 att t\u00e4nka. Jag har alltid satt p\u00e5 mig masken som artisten, fysikern, programmeraren eller vad man nu har kunat hitta p\u00e5 som st\u00e4llf\u00f6retr\u00e4dare. De som varit v\u00e4rda att \u00e4lska. Ainbusk’s ord \u00e4r v\u00e4l \u00e4nd\u00e5 att beg\u00e4ra f\u00f6r mycket…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag skall fr\u00e5ga Limpan vid tillf\u00e4lle. Han vet nog.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Det \u00e4r halt. Som vanligt kan man g\u00e5 ut i kurvan h\u00e4r utanf\u00f6r, st\u00e5 d\u00e4r tills det sl\u00e4pper, och utan st\u00f6rre f\u00f6rdr\u00f6jning \u00e4r man nere i byn och flyger in p\u00e5 ICA. Sv\u00e5rare att ta sig upp p\u00e5 kullen igen. Allts\u00e5 stannar man hemma. Lite feg numera n\u00e4r det g\u00e4ller halka. \u00c4nd\u00e5 rasar jag ner […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-33946","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betraktelser"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":24094,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=24094","url_meta":{"origin":33946,"position":0},"title":"P\u00e5skbl\u00e5sten","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2017-04-11","format":false,"excerpt":"Tydligen \u00e4r man alpollenallergiker numera. Lite f\u00e5nig \u00e5komma s\u00e5d\u00e4r. Men tydligt nu om jag g\u00e5r ut. Man f\u00e5r st\u00e5 ut. Ja och jag st\u00e5r ut. Ett \u00e5r till. Hur-som-helst pollenallergiker \u00e4r andra klassens m\u00e4nniskor, ja, jag har tagit mig upp\u00e5t allts\u00e5. Bl\u00e5sigt. Kallare. Men bl\u00e5 himmel. S\u00e5 kan kan v\u00e4l\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/20170411_181840-e1491927891762-576x1024.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":44337,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=44337","url_meta":{"origin":33946,"position":1},"title":"Godis och kod","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2023-02-14","format":false,"excerpt":"Det \u00e4r tisdag. An incredable day here. Ja en toppendag helt enkelt. Fast bara efter att jag inhandlat ett ton godis som jag smockade i mig under resten av dan. Nope, borde inte \u00e4ta godis alls. Men beh\u00f6vde l\u00e4mna ett paket p\u00e5 posten s\u00e5 d\u00e5 blir det s\u00e5 att den\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/Screenshot-from-2023-02-14-20-59-01.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/Screenshot-from-2023-02-14-20-59-01.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/Screenshot-from-2023-02-14-20-59-01.png?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/Screenshot-from-2023-02-14-20-59-01.png?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":19776,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=19776","url_meta":{"origin":33946,"position":2},"title":"Heja Los.","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2016-02-24","format":false,"excerpt":"Jag pratar med en man som verkligen njuter av sin makt idag. Jag h\u00f6r det p\u00e5 hans r\u00f6st. Lugn. Njutningsfull. Han har den oinskr\u00e4nkta makten i sin hand. Jag har inget. \u00c4r helt i hans v\u00e5ld. Ja det kunde vara i ett koncentrationsl\u00e4ger. Men nu \u00e4r det 2015. De som\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"sv-flagga","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/sv-flagga.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":19576,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=19576","url_meta":{"origin":33946,"position":3},"title":"Det var ingen avlivning","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2016-01-29","format":false,"excerpt":"N\u00e4r man var barn hade man en \"trunk\" med sig till skolan.\u00a0 Ofta bl\u00e5 med begef\u00e4rgade handtag. Japp ofta var det just s\u00e5 de s\u00e5g ut.\u00a0 En skolv\u00e4ska av den tiden. S\u00e4llan man h\u00f6r \"trunk\" anv\u00e4ndas idag. I alla fall min v\u00e4rld. Men inser jag att s\u00e5 \u00e4r det ju\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"Screenshot from 2016-01-29 09:46:36","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/Screenshot-from-2016-01-29-094636.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":33800,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=33800","url_meta":{"origin":33946,"position":4},"title":"Fullm\u00e5ne","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2019-12-12","format":false,"excerpt":"Fullm\u00e5ne i natt. \u00c4r man varg kan man leta upp ett berg och st\u00e4lla sig d\u00e4r och yla. \u00c4r man inte varg kan man ist\u00e4llet leta upp ett annat berg och dansa naken och exalterat d\u00e4r i m\u00e5nens sken. Jod\u00e5, vill man kan man yla lite ocks\u00e5. F\u00f6r sakens skull.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/IMG_20181223_134020360_HDR.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/IMG_20181223_134020360_HDR.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/IMG_20181223_134020360_HDR.png?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/IMG_20181223_134020360_HDR.png?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/IMG_20181223_134020360_HDR.png?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":42631,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=42631","url_meta":{"origin":33946,"position":5},"title":"S\u00e5dana tider","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2022-08-29","format":false,"excerpt":"Photo by Andrey Grushnikov on Pexels.com G\u00e5r f\u00f6rbi studion och studiodatorn idag. Ja \u00e4rendet \u00e4r ett annat. Beh\u00f6ver en p\u00e4rm som finns i ett rum bakom de d\u00e4r grejerna. Men n\u00e4r jag g\u00e5r f\u00f6rbi s\u00e5 suger det liksom till i trakten av magen. Troligen finns det en musiktarm just d\u00e4r\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Swedish"","block_context":{"text":"Swedish","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"black and white photo of clocks","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/pexels-photo-707676.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/pexels-photo-707676.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/pexels-photo-707676.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/pexels-photo-707676.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s68PL2-halt","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33946","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/24"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=33946"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33946\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":33948,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33946\/revisions\/33948"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=33946"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=33946"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=33946"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}