{"id":27846,"date":"2018-04-08T22:37:17","date_gmt":"2018-04-08T21:37:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=27846"},"modified":"2018-04-08T22:37:17","modified_gmt":"2018-04-08T21:37:17","slug":"vantar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=27846","title":{"rendered":"V\u00e4ntar"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

Sitter h\u00e4r och v\u00e4ntar p\u00e5 att de sista sn\u00f6n skall fara av taket. P\u00e5 norrsidan allts\u00e5. S\u00f6dersidans sn\u00f6m\u00e4ngder har redan brakat av. Kaboooom. Rakt p\u00e5 plommontr\u00e4det. S\u00e5klart. Var skulle sn\u00f6n annars hamna? Liksom.<\/p>\n

Fast framsidan (norrsidan) kvar allts\u00e5. Den ligger envist kvar d\u00e4r trotts regn idag, Ja och jag vet hur den klibbar fast efter att ha enhandsskottat av ett tak \u00f6ver k\u00e4llaren f\u00f6rra veckan. Sitter som limmad p\u00e5 en vertikal spade. S\u00e5 varf\u00f6r inte p\u00e5 ett tak ocks\u00e5 allts\u00e5? Men r\u00e4tt vad det \u00e4r s\u00e5.<\/p>\n

Knappar p\u00e5. Kan inte annat s\u00e5klart. Det \u00e4r gott det. Alltid n\u00e5got liksom.<\/p>\n

\u00c4r inne i en andra andning i livet tror jag. En d\u00e4r det g\u00e5r bra att k\u00f6ra p\u00e5 bara. D\u00e4r det inte spelar s\u00e5 mycket roll med den d\u00e4r inputen utifr\u00e5n. Det s\u00e4gs ju att den dag man tar \u00e5t sig lika mycket av ber\u00f6m och kritik s\u00e5 har man n\u00e5tt fram. S\u00e5 kanske \u00e4ntligen. Fast fan trott. Det d\u00e4r ber\u00f6mmet man f\u00e5tt har alltid runnit av en som vatten p\u00e5 en g\u00e5s, det har inte p\u00e5verkat vem man \u00e4r, men kritiken, smutskastningen, den har fastnat och gjort ont.\u00a0 Oftast sm\u00e5saker. Troligen inte heller mer \u00e5t mitt h\u00e5ll \u00e4n n\u00e5got annat h\u00e5ll. S\u00e5 kanske har man \u00e4nd\u00e5 inte kommit hela v\u00e4gen fram trotts allt. M\u00e5ste l\u00e4ra sig att bortse fr\u00e5n det som bara \u00e4r \u00e5sikter egentligen.<\/p>\n

Men jag s\u00f6ker i alla fall inte gillande idag. Jag g\u00f6r det jag g\u00f6r. G\u00f6r det f\u00f6r att jag m\u00e5ste och f\u00f6r att det \u00e4r just mitt. Visst m\u00f6ts jag av den stora tystnaden. Under delar av livet har den gjort ont. Mycket ont. Men inte l\u00e4nge. Jag k\u00e4nner en tacksamhet f\u00f6r det. Det \u00e4r enklare, l\u00e4ttare att leva nu. Ja, rent utav skitenkelt. Jag klarar mig. Japp, det g\u00f6r jag.<\/p>\n

Jod\u00e5, nog fattar jag att man \u00e4r den man \u00e4r. Inte \u00e4r det n\u00e5gon k\u00f6 till mina fylla j\u00e4mt datum precis. Har aldrig varit. \u00c4r man “storkarl” s\u00e5 m\u00e4rks det ju om inte annat just d\u00e4r p\u00e5 dom dagarna. Familj och v\u00e4nner som vill fira en \u00e4lskad person st\u00e5r i l\u00e5nga k\u00f6er och appl\u00e5derar och hurrar. Det anstr\u00e4ngs. Det hurras. Det firas.<\/p>\n

Jag vet inte om jag gillar det d\u00e4r ens. Hur skall man veta det d\u00e5?<\/p>\n

Farsan trivdes i det d\u00e4r. Det kom horder p\u00e5 de d\u00e4r decenietalsfesterna. Han en sj\u00e4lvklar medelpunkt. Str\u00e5lande som en stol fanns han i festen f\u00f6r honom sj\u00e4lv. Lyft av allt det d\u00e4r. Ja och sen begravningen. Hela stora kyrkan full. En j\u00e4vla massa m\u00e4nniskor. Jag \u00e4r s\u00e4ker att farsan satt d\u00e4r p\u00e5 ett moln och m\u00f6s. En s\u00e5dan som jag skulle inte kunna fylla stolarna p\u00e5 h\u00f6gra sidans f\u00f6rsta rad ens om jag nu velat haft en begravning.<\/p>\n

Men allts\u00e5. Det d\u00e4r kan jag leva med. Mycket enklare nu f\u00f6r tiden. Det \u00e4r samma sak med allt annat jag g\u00f6r ocks\u00e5. Det spelar liksom ingen roll vad folk tycker l\u00e4ngre, om de tycker n\u00e5got alls, eller om de inte bryr sig. Framg\u00e5ngen, m\u00e5ttet, finns inte l\u00e4ngre utanf\u00f6r mig sj\u00e4lv. Det \u00e4r den landvinningen jag gjort. En stor frihet. En jag \u00e4r tacksam f\u00f6r.<\/p>\n

Ja annars \u00e4r alt som vanligt h\u00e4r p\u00e5 kullen. Vi g\u00e5r mot v\u00e5r h\u00e4r med. Inte f\u00f6r att det syns. Men det \u00e4r \u00e4nd\u00e5 s\u00e5. ja och jag l\u00e4ngtar s\u00e5klart. Till sommar och enklare liv. Men p\u00e5 v\u00e4gen dit kodar jag v\u00e4l n\u00e5gon rad f\u00f6r att \u00f6verleva. Eller kanske f\u00f6r att jag m\u00e5ste.<\/p>\n

Idag planterade jag om alla blommor. En viktig syssla. Mina sm\u00e5 tanter pelargonerna har blivit k\u00e4ra v\u00e4nner. Japp “v\u00e4nner”. Dom finns d\u00e4r \u00e4nd\u00e5. D\u00e4r man minst anar det. Antagligen kommer de alla att \u00f6verleva mig dessutom. Men det \u00e4r ju bra. De kan min historia. Har varit med i lokalerna. Kan f\u00f6rt\u00e4lja historien f\u00f6r varandra. I det kan man leva vidare lite.<\/p>\n

S\u00e5dant d\u00e4r kan man inbilla sig.\u00a0 Bra som d\u00e5liga dagar. Men lever g\u00f6r man. M\u00e5r inte heller s\u00e5 f\u00f6rbaskat pj\u00e5kigt. Alltid n\u00e5got liksom.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sitter h\u00e4r och v\u00e4ntar p\u00e5 att de sista sn\u00f6n skall fara av taket. P\u00e5 norrsidan allts\u00e5. S\u00f6dersidans sn\u00f6m\u00e4ngder har redan brakat av. Kaboooom. Rakt p\u00e5 plommontr\u00e4det. S\u00e5klart. Var skulle sn\u00f6n annars hamna? Liksom. Fast framsidan (norrsidan) kvar allts\u00e5. Den ligger envist kvar d\u00e4r trotts regn idag, Ja och jag vet hur den klibbar fast efter […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-27846","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betraktelser"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":46616,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=46616","url_meta":{"origin":27846,"position":0},"title":"F\u00f6r en femma och en luftpicka","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2023-12-02","format":false,"excerpt":"Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com Jaha. Suck. Pojkbandet Engmans kapell i mellon. Larry Forsberg trio skriver l\u00e5ten. Ganska illam\u00e5ende blir man ju. Eller mycket till och med. V\u00e4rlden sprutar ur sig skit. Och d\u00e5 har jag inte h\u00f6rt l\u00e5ten. Det du! NEJ! Man beh\u00f6ver inte ens det. 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Jod\u00e5, vill man kan man yla lite ocks\u00e5. F\u00f6r sakens skull.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/IMG_20181223_134020360_HDR.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/IMG_20181223_134020360_HDR.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/IMG_20181223_134020360_HDR.png?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/IMG_20181223_134020360_HDR.png?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/IMG_20181223_134020360_HDR.png?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":26984,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=26984","url_meta":{"origin":27846,"position":2},"title":"\u00c5rets f\u00f6rsta stolta min","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2018-02-06","format":false,"excerpt":"Tisdag. Minus nio under sn\u00f6n. Minus nio \u00f6ver sn\u00f6n. J\u00e4mvikt. Bra. Jag tror p\u00e5 j\u00e4mvikten. Och nej, det sn\u00f6ar inte. Bara det. Liksom. Men tisdagar inneb\u00e4r ocks\u00e5 ett ansvar. Allts\u00e5 att f\u00e5 n\u00e5got gjort. Har man inte \u00e5stadkommit n\u00e5got n\u00e4r tisdagen \u00e4r slut s\u00e5 \u00e4r det k\u00f6rt. Det k\u00e4nns i\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Screenshot-from-2018-02-05-17-29-15.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Screenshot-from-2018-02-05-17-29-15.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Screenshot-from-2018-02-05-17-29-15.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":32839,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=32839","url_meta":{"origin":27846,"position":3},"title":"V\u00e4ntar","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2019-08-27","format":false,"excerpt":"Sitter och v\u00e4ntar. \u00c4r p\u00e5 v\u00e4g till Ljusdal. Skall l\u00e4mna in bilen. Tredje g\u00e5ngen gillt. Hoppas man. De tv\u00e5 f\u00f6re har inte fungerat speciellt bra. \"Verkstad nedlagd\" n\u00e4r man kommer ner och \"bokning borta\" n\u00e4sta g\u00e5ng. Ja man kan allts\u00e5 bara hoppas denna g\u00e5ng. Mekonomen \u00e4r grejer det... Jag \u00e4r\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Swedish"","block_context":{"text":"Swedish","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190822_232744391-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190822_232744391-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190822_232744391-1.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190822_232744391-1.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190822_232744391-1.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190822_232744391-1.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":39883,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=39883","url_meta":{"origin":27846,"position":4},"title":"Stanna inne","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2021-09-15","format":false,"excerpt":"Sol. H\u00f6stsol. L\u00e5g. Utanf\u00f6r f\u00f6nstret. Man borde allts\u00e5 inte sitta h\u00e4r inne p\u00e5 ett l\u00e5tsaskontor. G\u00e5 ut och utf\u00f6ra solh\u00e4lsning. \u00c5tminstone f\u00f6rs\u00f6ka. Efter b\u00e4sta f\u00f6rm\u00e5ga. Men det g\u00f6r man inte. Sitter kvar. Har n\u00e4mligen demo att f\u00e4rdigst\u00e4lla. Varf\u00f6r och f\u00f6r vad vet jag inte. Tittar n\u00e5gon n\u00e5gonsin p\u00e5 dom d\u00e4r?\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/Screenshot-from-2021-09-15-09-08-30.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/Screenshot-from-2021-09-15-09-08-30.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/Screenshot-from-2021-09-15-09-08-30.png?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/Screenshot-from-2021-09-15-09-08-30.png?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":27365,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=27365","url_meta":{"origin":27846,"position":5},"title":"Vill inte byta","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2018-03-03","format":false,"excerpt":"Jag hugger in p\u00e5 den. 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L\u00e5ngt d\u00e4rifr\u00e5n.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/Screenshot-from-2018-03-03-14-36-47.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/Screenshot-from-2018-03-03-14-36-47.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/Screenshot-from-2018-03-03-14-36-47.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/Screenshot-from-2018-03-03-14-36-47.png?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s68PL2-vantar","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27846","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/24"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=27846"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27846\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":27848,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27846\/revisions\/27848"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=27846"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=27846"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=27846"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}