{"id":20959,"date":"2016-07-08T08:09:01","date_gmt":"2016-07-08T07:09:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=20959"},"modified":"2016-07-08T08:09:01","modified_gmt":"2016-07-08T07:09:01","slug":"ett-nej-ar-ett-nej","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=20959","title":{"rendered":"Ett nej \u00e4r ett nej"},"content":{"rendered":"

Det var v\u00e4l de d\u00e4r ensamma kv\u00e4llarna i l\u00e4genheten i G\u00e4vle. Jag var veckopendlande l\u00e4rare. Bodde i G\u00e4vle under veckorna. K\u00e4nde inte en kotte utanf\u00f6r jobbet p\u00e5 skolan. Man blir liksom osynlig n\u00e4r man sitter s\u00e5d\u00e4r sj\u00e4lv f\u00f6r det mesta. Finns n\u00e4stan inte och n\u00e5gon kv\u00e4ll hade jag tydligen k\u00e4nt mig mer osynlig \u00e4n vanligt och skickat in en l\u00e5t till den d\u00e4r t\u00e4vlingen. Ja en egen, en av de d\u00e4r C s\u00e4ger suger. Ja jag kan ha varit full ocks\u00e5 men \u00e4r nu v\u00e4ldigt s\u00e4llan det. Vid mina sinnens fulla bruk var jag i alla fall inte n\u00e4r det d\u00e4r inskicket gjordes. Ja och s\u00e5 \u00e4r det l\u00e4tt att skicka ett mail och bifoga en l\u00e5t, sv\u00e5rt att \u00e5ngra sig. Men t\u00e4vla. Nej. Jag verkligen hatar t\u00e4vlingar av alla de slag. Speciellt i konstarter och s\u00e5dant man har som arbete.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

“Svensktoppen n\u00e4sta” hette den d\u00e4r t\u00e4vlingen. Gick p\u00e5 lokalradion och en dag h\u00f6rde en medarbetare p\u00e5 lokalradion av sig och sa att “japp, vi tar ut din l\u00e5t, grattis!”. Va? N\u00e4\u00e4\u00e4\u00e4eeeeeee… Hj\u00e4rtat fl\u00f6g upp i halsgropen. Jag mindes vad jag gjort. “Nej jag har \u00e4ndrat mig, jag vill inte vara med” r\u00e4ddar jag mig med att s\u00e4ga. Efter en halvtimmes f\u00f6rs\u00f6k till \u00f6vertalning vill jag fortfarande inte vara med. S\u00e5 jag slapp. Tack gode han\/hon\/det\/gud f\u00f6r det.<\/p>\n

Jag kommer ih\u00e5g den d\u00e4r episoden i duschen h\u00e4r p\u00e5 morgonen av oklar anledning. Jag har s\u00e5klart aldrig \u00e5ngrat att jag sa nej. Vad skulle jag d\u00e4r att g\u00f6ra? Men t\u00e4nk om jag sagt ja, allts\u00e5 i ren f\u00f6rskr\u00e4ckelse. Ja och sen kommit sist s\u00e5klart. Gjort mig till fullkomligt \u00e5tl\u00f6je. Eller \u00e4nnu v\u00e4rre vunnit. Ja vunnit hela skiten. Det hade varit att f\u00f6rst\u00f6ra ett gott liv fullst\u00e4ndigt.Varf\u00f6r det? Jo d\u00e4rf\u00f6r att jag aldrig velat det d\u00e4r. Fel s\u00e5klart. N\u00e4r jag var ung vill jag. Men inte p\u00e5 trettio \u00e5r sedan dess. Man v\u00e4xer ifr\u00e5n. Blir visare. Inser vilka v\u00e4rdena i livet \u00e4r. Ja det var det duschminnet det. Ibland klarar man sig bara med en h\u00e5rsm\u00e5n.<\/p>\n

https:\/\/soundcloud.com\/hedman\/jag-r-en-gift-man<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Det var v\u00e4l de d\u00e4r ensamma kv\u00e4llarna i l\u00e4genheten i G\u00e4vle. Jag var veckopendlande l\u00e4rare. Bodde i G\u00e4vle under veckorna. K\u00e4nde inte en kotte utanf\u00f6r jobbet p\u00e5 skolan. Man blir liksom osynlig n\u00e4r man sitter s\u00e5d\u00e4r sj\u00e4lv f\u00f6r det mesta. Finns n\u00e4stan inte och n\u00e5gon kv\u00e4ll hade jag tydligen k\u00e4nt mig mer osynlig \u00e4n vanligt […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[24,9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20959","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betraktelser","category-musik"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":45631,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=45631","url_meta":{"origin":20959,"position":0},"title":"Om jag skall f\u00f6rs\u00f6ka f\u00f6rklara","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2023-08-02","format":false,"excerpt":"Jag g\u00e5r ner till kontoret. Gok\u00e4nslan finns d\u00e4r i magen redan innan jag betr\u00e4der trappen ner. \u00c4nd\u00e5 finns det ingen \u00e4ra att se fram emot h\u00e4r nere. Eller pengar f\u00f6r den delen. Ger man bort det mesta man g\u00f6r gratis s\u00e5 v\u00e4xer s\u00e4llan bankkontot, n\u00e5got som min revisor ofta p\u00e5pekar.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Swedish"","block_context":{"text":"Swedish","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/IMG_20230802_0902572.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/IMG_20230802_0902572.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/IMG_20230802_0902572.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/IMG_20230802_0902572.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/IMG_20230802_0902572.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/IMG_20230802_0902572.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":20497,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=20497","url_meta":{"origin":20959,"position":1},"title":"Hur l\u00e5ng \u00e4r en livstid?","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2016-05-25","format":false,"excerpt":"Onsdag. K ner\/inskjutsad till Ljusdal, tidigt, f\u00f6r visare transport tillsammans med bibliotekskollegor mot G\u00e4vle och h\u00f6gskolan. \u00a0Det skall inh\u00e4mtas nya l\u00e4rdomar d\u00e4r borta. Jag hemkommen igen. F\u00e5r n\u00f6ja mig med det lilla jag redan kan. Tolv mil nu p\u00e5 morgonen och tolv mil senare p\u00e5 kv\u00e4llen. S\u00e5 som det ser\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"smaltande-klocka-silver","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/smaltande-klocka-silver.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":18180,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=18180","url_meta":{"origin":20959,"position":2},"title":"Det \u00e4r lite som att skita faktiskt.","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2015-06-25","format":false,"excerpt":"LOS = SOL, japp och det fungerar inte lika bra med LOOS. En marknadsf\u00f6ringsm\u00f6jlighet som man kan sumpa eller anv\u00e4nda. \u00c5 andra sidan kan man skriva L(o)(o)s och hylla kvinnorna, eller Lo(o)s och hylla de br\u00f6stcanceropererade kvinnorna. Men \"Los\" \u00e4r nog b\u00e4st. Los, H\u00e4lsinglands tak. Tekopp, katt och jag \u00e4r\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"002","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/0021-1024x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/0021-1024x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/0021-1024x1024.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":22264,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=22264","url_meta":{"origin":20959,"position":3},"title":"Begravning","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2016-11-24","format":false,"excerpt":"Imorgon begravning. Ovan\u00e5ker. Barndomens kyrka. En farbror, den siste, skall tas farv\u00e4l av. Nittio\u00e5tta \u00e5r blev han, stark som en oxe in i det sista. Saknad s\u00e5klart. Men han fick ett l\u00e5ngt liv. Ett l\u00e4ngre liv \u00e4n de flesta f\u00e5r leva. 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I livets slutdecennier\/\u00e5r\/m\u00e5nader\/dagar\/sekunder och f\u00f6rs\u00f6ker summera hur det varit. De flesta kommer helt enkelt inte undan den d\u00e4r fr\u00e5gest\u00e4llningen. I alla fall om man lever upp till en \u00e5lder n\u00e4r man anar att det finns ett slut d\u00e4r bakom h\u00f6rnet. Nu i min \u00e5lder rycker man till\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/20161129_233856-1024x576.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/20161129_233856-1024x576.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/20161129_233856-1024x576.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15288,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=15288","url_meta":{"origin":20959,"position":5},"title":"Heligt","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2014-11-07","format":false,"excerpt":"Fredagar \u00e4r s\u00e5klart fortfarande heliga. Det \u00e4r bara s\u00e5. Det skall g\u00e4lla liv och d\u00f6d f\u00f6r att jag skall g\u00f6ra avkall p\u00e5 lediga fredags kv\u00e4llar. S\u00e5 halv sju st\u00e4nger jag ner, skickar koden till USA, startar backuper och st\u00e4nger sedan ner h\u00e4r p\u00e5 kontoret. 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