![\"Screenshot](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/Screenshot-from-2016-05-16-084039-1024x486.png?resize=580%2C275\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
MrAuto utropar “\u00c5ke, det \u00e4r din lyckodag!” Ja sj\u00e4lv k\u00e4nner jag inte riktigt s\u00e5 denna m\u00e5ndagsmorgon. Jag\u00a0k\u00e4nner att jag n\u00e5tt v\u00e4gs \u00e4nde. Att man inte orkar mer. Det \u00e4r inte konstigt. \u00a0De som k\u00e4nnet mitt liv vet det. Jag har k\u00e4mpat. Ingen kan s\u00e4ga annat. Jo de kan flera s\u00e4kert s\u00e4ga. Annat. Andras skor ser alltid l\u00e4ttvandrade ut. Men inte m\u00e5nga skulle velat byta liv. Det \u00e4r jag s\u00e4ker p\u00e5.<\/p>\n
Den kommer \u00f6ver en den d\u00e4r k\u00e4nslan ibland. Just nu stark. \u00a0T\u00e4nk att bara ge upp och s\u00e4tta sig och besk\u00e5da v\u00e4rlden. Ja eller leta ludd i naveln. Inga mail att svara p\u00e5. Inga f\u00e5f\u00e4nga visioner att f\u00f6rs\u00f6ka realisera i svett och kamp och o\u00e4ndlig nedlagd tid. Bara vakna, leva, kolla facebook, l\u00e4sa tidningen, l\u00e5ta dagen g\u00e5, kolla facebook, \u00e4ta, l\u00e5ta mer av dagen g\u00e5, \u00e4ta, se p\u00e5 tv, kolla facebook, sova f\u00f6r att orka med n\u00e4sta dag.<\/p>\n
Fast det \u00e4r inte jag det d\u00e4r s\u00e5klart. Finns det inget att jobba f\u00f6r s\u00e5 finns inte jag. Ja och finnas vill man ju trots allt. Man skall vara glad f\u00f6r det. Att man vill finnas allts\u00e5.<\/p>\n
Fast det \u00e4r s\u00e5 det k\u00e4nns den h\u00e4r m\u00e5ndagen. Hoppl\u00f6st. Meningl\u00f6st. Det brukar vara min b\u00e4sta dag, en hel vecka i tid framf\u00f6r sig, tid n\u00e4r man kan realisera saker. Men inte idag allts\u00e5. Det k\u00e4nns som det inte nyttjar n\u00e5got till. Att jag inte kommer n\u00e5gonstans. St\u00e5r still.<\/p>\n
S\u00e5 “ryck upp dig” f\u00e5r man s\u00e4ga till sig sj\u00e4lv. Ta tag i allt det d\u00e4r och k\u00f6r p\u00e5. Ja som man gjort s\u00e5 m\u00e5nga g\u00e5nger f\u00f6rrut. Eller h\u00e4mta sig n\u00e5gra dagar. Ta l\u00e5nga promenader. Fundera.<\/p>\n
Farsan la ner i den h\u00e4r \u00e5ldern. Tog det lugnt. F\u00f6rst halvtid sen pension. Ingen endaste liten kotte kunde n\u00e5gonsin tro det. Arbetsnarkomanen. Fram tills dess. Men det gjorde han. Nj\u00f6t av det nya livet. Fick tio \u00e5r. Goda \u00e5r till st\u00f6rsta delen tror jag.<\/p>\n
S\u00e5 varf\u00f6r skulle inte jag kunna?<\/p>\n
Vill jag ens?<\/p>\n
Kanske?<\/p>\n
Man f\u00e5r fundera p\u00e5 det…<\/p>\n
Hur som helst s\u00e5 m\u00e5ste man jobba ocks\u00e5 motiga dagar. I alla fall i min v\u00e4rld. Vissa saker m\u00e5ste man bara g\u00f6ra. \u00d6verleva bara genom att k\u00e4mpa p\u00e5. “Min lyckodag”? Ja v\u00e4ndningar i livet kan ta en in p\u00e5 nya sp\u00e5r som \u00e4r bra och sp\u00e4nnande. Ofta kommer de d\u00e4r v\u00e4ndningarna till just s\u00e5dana h\u00e4r dagar. N\u00e4r det \u00e4r motigt och man inte tycker att v\u00e4gen framm\u00e5t k\u00e4nns framkomlig.<\/p>\n
Usch vad deppigt inl\u00e4ggedet h\u00e4r blev. Ett s\u00e5dant d\u00e4r f\u00f6rbjudet inl\u00e4gg. Ett som inte borde f\u00e5tt skrivas. \u00c4r man inte p\u00e5 topp och p\u00e5 g s\u00e5 f\u00e5r man l\u00e5tsas. Ja inte jag d\u00e5. Inte idag i alla fall. Idag \u00e4r det motigt och l\u00e4ge f\u00f6r att ge upp. Som sagt. Eller skrivet. Tar tag i lite papper och funderar p\u00e5 det d\u00e4r \u00a0“att ge upp”. Hur man skall ha det med det egentligen. Det t\u00e5l att funderas p\u00e5. \u00a0En enkel utv\u00e4g. F\u00f6r enkel? Eller r\u00e4tt?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
MrAuto utropar “\u00c5ke, det \u00e4r din lyckodag!” Ja sj\u00e4lv k\u00e4nner jag inte riktigt s\u00e5 denna m\u00e5ndagsmorgon. Jag\u00a0k\u00e4nner att jag n\u00e5tt v\u00e4gs \u00e4nde. Att man inte orkar mer. Det \u00e4r inte konstigt. \u00a0De som k\u00e4nnet mitt liv vet det. Jag har k\u00e4mpat. Ingen kan s\u00e4ga annat. Jo de kan flera s\u00e4kert s\u00e4ga. Annat. Andras skor ser […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20395","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betraktelser"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":29948,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=29948","url_meta":{"origin":20395,"position":0},"title":"Void och psykologer eller tv\u00e4rtom","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2018-09-21","format":false,"excerpt":"Ni vet psykologer. F\u00f6rr. N\u00e4r man oskyldigt fr\u00e5gade n\u00e5gon Vad jobbar du med d\u00e5? Och hen svarar Jag \u00e4r Psykolog. Den d\u00e4r festen blev sig liksom inte likt efter att man fick reda p\u00e5 det d\u00e4r. Konstigt nog var det f\u00f6rresten oftast p\u00e5 fester man tr\u00e4ffade dem. Ja kan vara\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Swedish"","block_context":{"text":"Swedish","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/IMG_20180531_105331319.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/IMG_20180531_105331319.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/IMG_20180531_105331319.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/IMG_20180531_105331319.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/IMG_20180531_105331319.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/IMG_20180531_105331319.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":32984,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=32984","url_meta":{"origin":20395,"position":1},"title":"Svullo","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2019-09-10","format":false,"excerpt":"Den d\u00e4r svullna vaden. Belgien blue. Den har jag dragits med n\u00e5gon vecka. Vilar. T\u00e4nker att det skall hj\u00e4lpa. Det g\u00f6r det, lite grann. Men inte mycket. L\u00e4ser om m\u00f6jliga orsaker. Propp \u00e4r en av dem. Man kanske skall l\u00e5ta en l\u00e4kare kolla d\u00e5 \u00e4nd\u00e5. S\u00e5 jag best\u00e4ller en tid.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/IMG_20190909_132617441.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/IMG_20190909_132617441.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/IMG_20190909_132617441.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/IMG_20190909_132617441.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/IMG_20190909_132617441.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/IMG_20190909_132617441.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":36312,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=36312","url_meta":{"origin":20395,"position":2},"title":"L\u00f6rdag","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2020-10-03","format":false,"excerpt":"Anv\u00e4nder dagen till bilmekande. Eller det som blir kvar av dagen efter att jag har somnat p\u00e5 soffan om sanningen skall fram. Men tillr\u00e4ckligt med dag finns kvar efter det d\u00e4r snarkande f\u00f6r att jag skall hinna med alla t\u00e4nkta bilmekarmoment f\u00f6r dagen. En f\u00f6rhoppning om att ocks\u00e5 hinna m\u00e5la\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Swedish"","block_context":{"text":"Swedish","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/IMG_20201003_155912-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/IMG_20201003_155912-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/IMG_20201003_155912-scaled.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/IMG_20201003_155912-scaled.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/IMG_20201003_155912-scaled.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/IMG_20201003_155912-scaled.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":16738,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=16738","url_meta":{"origin":20395,"position":3},"title":"Hemkommen","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2015-02-27","format":false,"excerpt":"Han\/hon\/det\/gud eller om det \u00e4r Tor och Oden och hela bunten st\u00e5r p\u00e5 min sida idag. En lampa. Sug p\u00e5 den. \"En lampa\". En sketen liten lampa som jag missade n\u00e4r jag kollade. Ett poitionsljus som inte lyser p\u00e5 h\u00f6ger sida. Den skall visas upp i lagad form men det\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"besiktning","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/besiktning-1024x683.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/besiktning-1024x683.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/besiktning-1024x683.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":17355,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=17355","url_meta":{"origin":20395,"position":4},"title":"Nordv\u00e4stra Irland","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2015-04-05","format":false,"excerpt":"Dusch klockan halv fem. P\u00e5 eftermiddagen. The Killer, avsnitt efter avsnitt fram till dess. Man beh\u00f6ver en paus efter f\u00f6r m\u00e5nga avsnitt men jag tror tamefan vi forts\u00e4tter och kolla efter halvtid. F\u00e5gelmat fylls. Pellets fylls. Ja jag sitter h\u00e4r och skriver det h\u00e4r. Det \u00e4r lite som jular i\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"2015-04-05_17-41-49","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/2015-04-05_17-41-49.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/2015-04-05_17-41-49.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/2015-04-05_17-41-49.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":22409,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=22409","url_meta":{"origin":20395,"position":5},"title":"Vr\u00e5\u00e5\u00e5\u00e5\u00e5\u00e5\u00e5\u00e5\u00e5let!","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2016-12-05","format":false,"excerpt":"Jag sitter h\u00e4r och v\u00e4ntar p\u00e5 solen. N\u00e5gon skall g\u00f6ra det ocks\u00e5. Under tiden kodar jag n\u00e5gra rader. Nej, lugn, jag tj\u00e4nar inte en krona p\u00e5 en enda av de d\u00e4r raderna. Det \u00e4r inget fuskande. Jag uppb\u00e4r inga bidrag och ers\u00e4ttningar n\u00e4r jag sitter h\u00e4r och l\u00e5tsasjobbar. Har iof\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"20161204_231434","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/20161204_231434-e1480974844925-576x1024.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/20161204_231434-e1480974844925-576x1024.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/20161204_231434-e1480974844925-576x1024.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p68PL2-5iX","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20395","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/24"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=20395"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20395\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20397,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20395\/revisions\/20397"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=20395"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=20395"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=20395"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}