{"id":19705,"date":"2016-02-17T08:50:18","date_gmt":"2016-02-17T07:50:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=19705"},"modified":"2016-02-17T08:50:18","modified_gmt":"2016-02-17T07:50:18","slug":"trettiofem-ar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=19705","title":{"rendered":"Trettiofem \u00e5r."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"jolls_tradgard\"<\/p>\n

Ny dag. Bl\u00e5sigt. K vandrar iv\u00e4g strax efter sju, hostandes. Mot bildlektioner, ungar, skola. Konst och pedagogik. En k\u00e4mpe. Jag \u00e4lskar den kvinnan. Trettiofem \u00e5r n\u00e4sta s\u00f6ndag. Japp, 35 \u00e5r. Inte hon, nej, utan s\u00e5 l\u00e4nge har vi varit tillsammans. Vi borde v\u00e4l fira. \u00c5ka till Paris. Eller till m\u00e5nen. En bedrift. S\u00e4llan har vi br\u00e5kat.En turlig kv\u00e4ll den d\u00e4r kv\u00e4llen i Uppsala f\u00f6r s\u00e5 m\u00e5nga \u00e5r sedan. F\u00f6r mig.<\/p>\n

Monstret i k\u00e4llaren ropar p\u00e5 mer pellets. Jag h\u00f6rsammar. Best\u00e4ller tre pallar. Hulken, gr\u00f6n fr\u00e5n 59, ja monster skall ha namn, h\u00e5ller oss i ett j\u00e4rngrepp under vintern. Nejd\u00e5, utslaget p\u00e5 \u00e5ret blir v\u00e4l inte v\u00e5ra kostnader st\u00f6rre \u00e4n de som andra har. V\u00e4rmenotan svider \u00e4nd\u00e5 p\u00e5 vintern. Ger inte utrymme f\u00f6r utsv\u00e4vningar. Paris och m\u00e5nen f\u00e5r nog v\u00e4nta.<\/p>\n

Livet rullar p\u00e5. Som det g\u00f6r. Om man lever. Och eftersom det rullar p\u00e5 s\u00e5 lever man tydligen.<\/p>\n

Jag k\u00e4nner mig sugen idag. Vill dyka in i “\u00c5kes v\u00e4rld”, in i koden, och finnas d\u00e4r, hela dan, g\u00f6md f\u00f6r allt annat. Lite autismvarning d\u00e4r s\u00e5klart. En odiagnostiserad. Jag och mina tankar. De som \u00e4r s\u00e5 starka. Som alltid varit s\u00e5 starka. Ensam p\u00e5 just det s\u00e4ttet har jag aldrig varit. Tankarna och id\u00e9erna och projekten har alltid fl\u00f6dat fram. Den egenskap jag f\u00e5tt som jag \u00e4r s\u00e5 tacksam f\u00f6r. Visst, det \u00e4r b\u00e4ttre att prata. Kunna prata. S\u00e4ga \u00e5t andra att “g\u00f6ra”. Ja \u00e4n “att g\u00f6ra”. Skapa. Bygga det d\u00e4r man tror p\u00e5. Men tror man p\u00e5 n\u00e5got s\u00e5 vinner man till slut. Jod\u00e5. Inte kanske alltid i andras \u00f6gon. Nej, men i sitt eget liv. Att tro p\u00e5 en ide och verkst\u00e4lla den \u00e4r det vi \u00e4r satta h\u00e4r f\u00f6r att g\u00f6ra. I alla fall vi som har den d\u00e4r tanken om n\u00e5got som beh\u00f6ver g\u00f6ras. Ja den jag tror alla har. Men s\u00e4llan v\u00e5gar fullf\u00f6lja.F\u00f6r att ge sig h\u00e4n har konsekvenser. Det finns pris att betala. Det kostar p\u00e5. Tro mig.<\/p>\n

Skall man starta upp studion i helgen tro. Visst k\u00e4nner jag ett litet sug efter det d\u00e4r?\u00a0 Fast egentligen har jag v\u00e4l inte tid. Borde spackla v\u00e4ggar i rum d\u00e4r uppe. Eller jobba h\u00e4r nere. Men d\u00e4r inne i studion kommer en helt annan sida fram inom mig. Fast kanske samma som n\u00e4r jag skriver. Men det g\u00f6r jag alldeles f\u00f6r lite nu f\u00f6r tiden. Ja det \u00e4r bloggen. Alla mail. Vi f\u00e5r allts\u00e5 se hur det blir.<\/p>\n

N\u00e4pp. Dag skall fyllas med inneh\u00e5ll. Post skall levereras. Paket skickas. Kod skrivas. Mail besvaras. Jod\u00e5. Man kan leva med det d\u00e4r. Livet ut. F\u00f6r det mesta. Joll byggde sin tr\u00e4dg\u00e5rd<\/a>. Jag bygger mitt.Vi bygger alla v\u00e5ra egna gravstenar. Och nej det \u00e4r inte den d\u00e4r som st\u00e5r p\u00e5 kyrkog\u00e5rden. K\u00f6pestenarna. De verkliga och riktiga g\u00e5r bara f\u00e5 med h\u00e5rt och idogt arbete. Ja eller som i mitt fall d\u00e5 genom att “bara sitta hemma”.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ny dag. Bl\u00e5sigt. K vandrar iv\u00e4g strax efter sju, hostandes. Mot bildlektioner, ungar, skola. Konst och pedagogik. En k\u00e4mpe. Jag \u00e4lskar den kvinnan. Trettiofem \u00e5r n\u00e4sta s\u00f6ndag. Japp, 35 \u00e5r. Inte hon, nej, utan s\u00e5 l\u00e4nge har vi varit tillsammans. Vi borde v\u00e4l fira. \u00c5ka till Paris. Eller till m\u00e5nen. En bedrift. S\u00e4llan har vi […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19705","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betraktelser"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":11389,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=11389","url_meta":{"origin":19705,"position":0},"title":"Oljus p\u00e5 ing\u00e5ende","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2013-12-11","format":false,"excerpt":"Sn\u00f6n ligger h\u00e4r nu. Ett par decimeter \u00e4r det utanf\u00f6r f\u00f6nstret. Det blir liksom lite juligare n\u00e4r den v\u00e4l \u00e4r h\u00e4r. Jag kan till och med acceptera den d\u00e5. Man slipper det d\u00e4r m\u00f6rka som suger upp allt ljus som finns i hela v\u00e4rlden. Det svartah\u00e5lsm\u00f6rka Darth Vader m\u00f6rkret. Nu\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"Fullm\u00e5ne Kr\u00e5ka","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/Fullm%C3%A5ne-Kr%C3%A5ka.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":18500,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=18500","url_meta":{"origin":19705,"position":1},"title":"Att \u00e4lska","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2015-08-31","format":false,"excerpt":"Vinnarnas almanacka skriver trettiof\u00f6rsta i augusti idag. Vem kan f\u00f6rst\u00e5 det!? Trotts en del gula l\u00f6v p\u00e5 bj\u00f6rkarna. Den f\u00f6rsta september imorgon. Det \u00c4R h\u00f6st. Vi \u00e4r inte P\u00c5 V\u00c4G MOT h\u00f6st utan DET \u00c4R h\u00f6st. HELVETE! Man vill kr\u00e4kas. Skrika \"Inte \u00e4n, INTE \u00c4N, r\u00e4dda mig!\" och g\u00f6ra det\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"insekt","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/insekt-1024x601.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/insekt-1024x601.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/insekt-1024x601.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":34452,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=34452","url_meta":{"origin":19705,"position":2},"title":"Gubbar","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2020-02-12","format":false,"excerpt":"Det \u00e4r gubbarna och jag, d\u00e4r p\u00e5 gubbhyllan p\u00e5 Coop,.. n\u00e4\u00e4\u00e4\u00e4.... v\u00e4nta nu... Det \u00e4r VI gubbar p\u00e5 gubbhyllan p\u00e5 Coop i Ljusdal. Jag t\u00e4nker S E M L A n\u00e4r jag g\u00e5r f\u00f6r att best\u00e4lla min kaffe. Suget finns d\u00e4r. Men jag har bara trettio sp\u00e4nn och semla med\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Swedish"","block_context":{"text":"Swedish","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/IMG_20200212_110643166_HDR.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/IMG_20200212_110643166_HDR.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/IMG_20200212_110643166_HDR.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/IMG_20200212_110643166_HDR.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/IMG_20200212_110643166_HDR.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":16923,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=16923","url_meta":{"origin":19705,"position":3},"title":"“\u00c4r skitig en m\u00e5nad men lycklig och fri.”","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2015-03-09","format":false,"excerpt":"Det \u00e4r fanimej nio grader ute.NIO. Som dagen i m\u00e5naden. Fast det \u00e4r mars. Borde vara minustecken f\u00f6re. Men \u00e4r inte det. Trettiofem grader inne p\u00e5 kontoret. Ja. F\u00f6r att solen lyser p\u00e5 givaren genom stora s\u00f6derf\u00f6nster. Men tjugofyra p\u00e5 en annan termometer. N\u00e4rmare sanningen gissar jag. Varmt s\u00e5 det\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse"","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser & Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"stovlarna","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/stovlarna.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/stovlarna.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/stovlarna.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/stovlarna.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":43746,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=43746","url_meta":{"origin":19705,"position":4},"title":"Mellan","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2022-12-27","format":false,"excerpt":"Ig\u00e5r n\u00e4r vi skjutsar ner sonen till det som nu \u00e4r hemma f\u00f6r honom s\u00e5 m\u00f6ter vi alla fj\u00e4llturisterna. Uppriktigt s\u00e5 trodde jag att str\u00f6mmen skulle g\u00e5 fr\u00e5n fj\u00e4llen d\u00e4r p\u00e5 Annandagseftermiddagen men s\u00e5 \u00e4r det inte. Den g\u00e5r upp\u00e5t och mot fj\u00e4llv\u00e4rlden. Men kanske har str\u00f6mmen \u00e5t andra h\u00e5llet\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Swedish"","block_context":{"text":"Swedish","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/IMG_20221227_0858343-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/IMG_20221227_0858343-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/IMG_20221227_0858343-scaled.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/IMG_20221227_0858343-scaled.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/IMG_20221227_0858343-scaled.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/IMG_20221227_0858343-scaled.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":10859,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=10859","url_meta":{"origin":19705,"position":5},"title":"Fram\u00e5t, alltid fram\u00e5t","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2013-11-09","format":false,"excerpt":"Jod\u00e5 man lever. En dag i taget. Mer beg\u00e4r jag inte. Tror det \u00e4r bra f\u00f6r d\u00e5 blir det mer kvar \u00e5t andra som beh\u00f6ver mer. Vi p\u00e5b\u00f6rjade renoveringen av ett till rum idag. Det som vi redan kallar biblioteket. 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