{"id":15132,"date":"2014-10-20T07:56:23","date_gmt":"2014-10-20T06:56:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/?p=15132"},"modified":"2015-12-07T11:59:17","modified_gmt":"2015-12-07T10:59:17","slug":"jag-haller-mina-loften","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=15132","title":{"rendered":"Jag h\u00e5ller mina l\u00f6ften"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/saknad2_108740439.jpg\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-15133 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/saknad2_108740439.jpg?resize=350%2C497\" alt=\"saknad2_108740439\" width=\"350\" height=\"497\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Dimman ligger kvar h\u00e4r \u00f6ver kullen efter nattens och gastarnas dans runt det stora gula huset. Det \u00e4r en s\u00e5dan d\u00e4r v\u00e5t tung omslutande dimma som bara brukar finnas ute vid havsbandet. Det letar och s\u00f6ker sig upp hit till h\u00f6jderna urhavet f\u00f6r att s\u00e5dana som jag l\u00e4ngtar efter det s\u00e5 mycket. Den d\u00e4r l\u00e4ngtan som sitter l\u00e4ngst in i k\u00e4rnan av varje cell man har i kroppen, den man inte riktigt f\u00f6rst\u00e5r d\u00e4r l\u00e4ngst uppe i knoppen om man inte anstr\u00e4nger sig och k\u00e4nner efter lite mer och extra.<\/p>\n<p>Det \u00e4r en svag vind d\u00e4r ute ocks\u00e5. Den som kommer att driva iv\u00e4g gastarnas dimma till slut. Kanske finns det en sol som kan tr\u00e4nga fram genom allt det h\u00e4r n\u00e4r det g\u00e5ra och omslutande motvilligt l\u00e4mnar kullen med det stora gula huset. En sol som lyfter fram och f\u00f6rst\u00e4rker h\u00f6stens alla underbara f\u00e4rger. De som visar att ocks\u00e5 en tid av d\u00f6ende och s\u00f6mn kan vara ljus och vacker och l\u00f6ftesrik.<\/p>\n<p>Det \u00e4r min tid nu. F\u00f6dd som jag \u00e4r en allhelgonahelg n\u00e4r \u00e5rets f\u00f6rsta sn\u00f6storm tj\u00f6t utanf\u00f6r f\u00f6nstret. D\u00e5 n\u00e4r jag f\u00f6ddes ut i saknaden. Slets fr\u00e5n n\u00e5gon som \u00e4r mig n\u00e4rmare \u00e4n mig sj\u00e4lv. Kanske en syster. Kanske en bror. N\u00e5gon jag inte kan m\u00f6ta igen som levande. Men jag h\u00f6r viskningarna tydligare nu. Vi n\u00e4rmar oss varandra igen. En dag, tio dagar eller tjugo \u00e5r. Det \u00e4r samma, det \u00e4r inte l\u00e5ngt kvar. Det \u00e4r \u00f6ver snart och jag har uppfyllt mitt l\u00f6fte till han\/hon\/det\/gud om att leva tills jag d\u00f6r. Ja, jag h\u00e5ller mina l\u00f6ften. Ingen skall s\u00e4ga n\u00e5got annat.<\/p>\n<p>Men dimma eller inte s\u00e5 finns det jobb att g\u00f6ra. Listorna \u00e4r l\u00e5nga och punkterna m\u00e5nga. Hj\u00e4rnan skall v\u00e4ckas igen och det gnisslande maskineriet k\u00f6ras ig\u00e5ng. D\u00e4r finns den slutgiltiga lyckan. N\u00e4r det en dag blir min tid och allt m\u00e5ste ta slut s\u00e5 vore det i ett s\u00e5nt \u00f6gonblick som sm\u00e4rtan kunde str\u00e5la ut i v\u00e4nsterarmen och explodera i m\u00f6rker f\u00f6r att aldrig igen bli till ljus. Eller d\u00e4r vid mixerbordet. Precis n\u00e4r man drar upp regel nummer sju. Men jag skall nog ta och s\u00e4lja mixerbordet. Men inte s\u00e4lja en dr\u00f6m. Bara f\u00f6renkla. Jag beh\u00f6ver inte det sv\u00e5ra. Vill inte hindras av det tekniska n\u00e4r det \u00e4r k\u00e4nslor som m\u00e5ste f\u00e5 ha kommandot. Vi f\u00e5r se. Nu dyka in i logikens underbara v\u00e4rld. Den bem\u00e4strar jag till fullo. K\u00e4nner mig trygg i. Gl\u00f6mmer saknaden i &#8211; ja i alla fall under en stund.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dimman ligger kvar h\u00e4r \u00f6ver kullen efter nattens och gastarnas dans runt det stora gula huset. Det \u00e4r en s\u00e5dan d\u00e4r v\u00e5t tung omslutande dimma som bara brukar finnas ute vid havsbandet. Det letar och s\u00f6ker sig upp hit till h\u00f6jderna urhavet f\u00f6r att s\u00e5dana som jag l\u00e4ngtar efter det s\u00e5 mycket. Den d\u00e4r l\u00e4ngtan [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15132","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betraktelser"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":12708,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=12708","url_meta":{"origin":15132,"position":0},"title":"Det stora gula huset p\u00e5 kullen","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2014-04-05","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 Det stora gula huset p\u00e5 kullen. 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Men aldrig l\u00e4ngtan fr\u00e5n studion, fyra stora f\u00f6nster nere till h\u00f6ger, eller fr\u00e5n dr\u00f6mmakarverkstaden, fyra stora f\u00f6nster till v\u00e4nster, eller fr\u00e5n l\u00e4genheten d\u00e4r uppe med en varsin \u00f6ppen spis p\u00e5 var\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"003","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/003-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/003-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/003-1024x768.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":16523,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=16523","url_meta":{"origin":15132,"position":1},"title":"Koltrastkr\u00f6nika","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2015-02-14","format":false,"excerpt":"Vi har haft en koltrast i m\u00e5nga \u00e5r h\u00e4r p\u00e5 kullen d\u00e4r vi bor. Han har sjungit fr\u00e5n samma tr\u00e4d utanf\u00f6r v\u00e5rt sovrumsf\u00f6nster m\u00e5nga sk\u00f6na tidiga sommarmorgnar, n\u00e4r jag legat d\u00e4r vaken och fullst\u00e4ndigt h\u00e4nf\u00f6rd lyssnat till det vackraste som finns. F\u00f6r n\u00e4r jag ligger d\u00e4r, n\u00e4r gardinen r\u00f6r sig\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Kr\u00f6nikor&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Kr\u00f6nikor","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=50"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":12376,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=12376","url_meta":{"origin":15132,"position":2},"title":"En hel or\u00f6rd helg fram\u00f6ver","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2014-03-07","format":false,"excerpt":"Dagens plus \u00e4r sn\u00f6dropparna som tittat fram d\u00e4r de st\u00e5r mot v\u00e4ggen och tjuvar pelletsv\u00e4rme vid det stora gula huset p\u00e5 kullen. 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Problemet \u00e4r att jag just nu inte har n\u00e5got behov av att gr\u00e5ta ut och att ute, d\u00e4r ute, d\u00e4r vindarna far fram som sm\u00e5barn efter intag av\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"food restaurant people coffee","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-photo-7472286.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-photo-7472286.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-photo-7472286.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/pexels-photo-7472286.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":7408,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=7408","url_meta":{"origin":15132,"position":4},"title":"&#8220;B\u00e4sta byn&#8221; fr\u00e5gar @P4Gavleborg","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2013-05-23","format":false,"excerpt":"\"B\u00e4sta byn\" fr\u00e5gar P4 G\u00e4vleborg efter. 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Om man nu inte tittar bort\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"DSC00095","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/05\/DSC00095-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/05\/DSC00095-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/05\/DSC00095-1024x768.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":7830,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=7830","url_meta":{"origin":15132,"position":5},"title":"Om havet inte fanns","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2013-07-03","format":false,"excerpt":"Sv\u00e5rmod i sommaren? Nej det g\u00e5r ju inte. 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