{"id":11393,"date":"2013-12-12T09:29:13","date_gmt":"2013-12-12T08:29:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/?p=11393"},"modified":"2013-12-12T11:37:46","modified_gmt":"2013-12-12T10:37:46","slug":"men-idag-lever-jag-alltsa","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=11393","title":{"rendered":"Men idag lever jag allts\u00e5"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/11\/insect-sculptures-edouard-martinet-1.jpg\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/11\/insect-sculptures-edouard-martinet-1.jpg?resize=580%2C420\" alt=\"\" width=\"580\" height=\"420\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-11143\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>L\u00f6dkolven och datorerna \u00e4r uppv\u00e4rmd h\u00e4r. En ny dag har allts\u00e5 startat. R\u00f6d himmel v\u00e4sterut. Ivar \u00e4r p\u00e5 v\u00e4g och klass tv\u00e5 varning \u00f6ver H\u00e4lsingland igen ikv\u00e4ll. Byar med 25 m\/s skall v\u00e4l f\u00e5 sn\u00f6n att r\u00f6ra sig och bygga fina vallar d\u00e4r ingen vill ha sn\u00f6. Den l\u00f6sa pl\u00e5ten p\u00e5 taket kommer att skramla hela natten s\u00e5 att ingen kan sova h\u00e4r i huset. Jag f\u00e5r n\u00e4mligen inte loss den sj\u00e4lv. Jag hoppas stormen lyckas med det. Men bara den pl\u00e5ten d\u00e5 tack.<\/p>\n<p>Gjorde en email-intervju f\u00f6r en tidning ig\u00e5r. F\u00f6r en g\u00e5ng skull om det jag h\u00e5ller p\u00e5 med (VSCP). Det k\u00e4nns bra, mer s\u00e5dant vill jag ha och det f\u00e5r g\u00e4rna handla mer om det jag g\u00f6r \u00e4n om mig som person. Men det \u00e4r sv\u00e5rt att n\u00e5 igenom om man sitter s\u00e5h\u00e4r p\u00e5 skogen. Kanske f\u00f6r att man \u00e4r en kl\u00e5pare. S\u00e5nt vet man inte sj\u00e4lv och n\u00e4r folk \u00e4nd\u00e5 s\u00e4ger hur det \u00e4r p\u00e5 den punkten s\u00e5 \u00e4r man d\u00f6d och begraven och borta, eller ja, ett tag strax efter bortf\u00e4llet s\u00e5 blir man ju s\u00e5 j\u00e4vla bra hos alla, har inga fel liksom. Efter n\u00e5gra \u00e5r brukar bilden bli lite mer nyanserad. Det \u00e4r just det omd\u00f6met jag g\u00e4rna skulle vilja h\u00f6ra. Men det f\u00e5r man allts\u00e5 inte. S\u00e5 \u00e4r det bara. Eller vad vet man f\u00f6rresten. Kanske sitter man d\u00e4r p\u00e5 en molntapp och tjuvlyssnar trotts allt.<\/p>\n<p>Att vara femtiosju \u00e5r k\u00e4nns inte s\u00e5 dumt \u00e4nd\u00e5. Visst, det g\u00f6r ondare nu i kroppen men mentalt k\u00e4nns allt bara b\u00e4ttre. Man kan unna sig lite mer &#8220;skit p\u00e5 dig&#8221; attityd i den h\u00e4r \u00e5ldern. Man har liksom inte tid med annat. Man \u00e4r medveten om att d\u00f6den ligger n\u00e4ra och lurar. Runt omkring en faller v\u00e4nner som k\u00e4glor. \u00c4r det inte cancer s\u00e5 \u00e4r det stroke och annat skit. Man vet att det d\u00e4r smyger omkring en sj\u00e4lv ocks\u00e5 och kan sl\u00e5 till n\u00e4r som helst. Lever man inte fullt ut d\u00e5 s\u00e5 \u00e4r man en idiot eller hur. N\u00e4r man \u00e4r yngre har man liksom mer tid att spilla bort. Farsan blev sjuttio precis. Tretton \u00e5r kvar i s\u00e5 fall. \u00c5r som g\u00e5r fort. Har man otur s\u00e5 g\u00e5r det snabbare \u00e4nd\u00e5. Fast hellre snabb d\u00f6d \u00e4n sjukhuss\u00e4ng och institutionsboende under m\u00e5nga \u00e5r. Ingen tvekan d\u00e4r. Kunde jag skulle jag operera in en cyanidkapsel i en tand f\u00f6r att s\u00e4kerst\u00e4lla det d\u00e4r. Som alternativt f\u00e5r man hoppas att man kan rymma och leta upp ett tillr\u00e4ckligt h\u00f6gt stup. \u00c4ttestupan. Om det nu skulle bli s\u00e5 allts\u00e5. Men idag lever jag d\u00e5 och det t\u00e4nker jag g\u00f6ra fullt ut.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>L\u00f6dkolven och datorerna \u00e4r uppv\u00e4rmd h\u00e4r. En ny dag har allts\u00e5 startat. R\u00f6d himmel v\u00e4sterut. Ivar \u00e4r p\u00e5 v\u00e4g och klass tv\u00e5 varning \u00f6ver H\u00e4lsingland igen ikv\u00e4ll. Byar med 25 m\/s skall v\u00e4l f\u00e5 sn\u00f6n att r\u00f6ra sig och bygga fina vallar d\u00e4r ingen vill ha sn\u00f6. Den l\u00f6sa pl\u00e5ten p\u00e5 taket kommer att skramla [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11393","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-betraktelser"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":38539,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=38539","url_meta":{"origin":11393,"position":0},"title":"Diffunderandet","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2021-04-21","format":false,"excerpt":"Photo by Dom J on Pexels.com En r\u00f6st som blir svagare och svagare och allt mer s\u00e4llan h\u00f6rs ens av de som st\u00e5r n\u00e4rmast. V\u00e4gen in i \u00e5lderdom. V\u00e4gen in i gl\u00f6mskan. Ett \u00e5r efter att man \u00e4r borta \u00e4r det ingen som minns att man ens fanns. \u00c4nd\u00e5 kan\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"assorted color striped illustration","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-photo-310452.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-photo-310452.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-photo-310452.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-photo-310452.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-photo-310452.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/pexels-photo-310452.jpeg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":38852,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=38852","url_meta":{"origin":11393,"position":1},"title":"Ja eller Nej","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2021-05-19","format":false,"excerpt":"Photo by PNW Production on Pexels.com Jag st\u00e4ller mig sj\u00e4lv ofta den d\u00e4r fr\u00e5gan s\u00e5h\u00e4r strax innan klockan sex p\u00e5 morgonen. \u00c4r det det h\u00e4r jag vill g\u00f6ra? Hittills har jag alltid svarat ja. Tvekat kanske n\u00e5gra g\u00e5nger. Priset k\u00e4nns h\u00f6gt ibland fast det utifr\u00e5n s\u00e5klart ser ut som en\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"people sitting on a cliff","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/pexels-photo-7625310.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/pexels-photo-7625310.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/pexels-photo-7625310.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/pexels-photo-7625310.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":17402,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=17402","url_meta":{"origin":11393,"position":2},"title":"S\u00f6derut","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2015-04-08","format":false,"excerpt":"Jag vandrar s\u00f6derut. Jag hade fel ig\u00e5r. S\u00f6derut \u00e4r \u00e5t det h\u00e5ll jag liksom k\u00e4nner att Edsbyn och \u00d6stersj\u00f6n och Ryssland ligger. Men har fel allts\u00e5. Det enda jag inte kan fatta n\u00e4r jag kommer fram till huset som jag \u00e4lskar och d\u00e4rf\u00f6r m\u00e5ste sl\u00e4ppa mig fri fr\u00e5n, f\u00f6r att\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"003","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/003-768x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/003-768x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.eurosource.se\/akhe\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/003-768x1024.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":22475,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=22475","url_meta":{"origin":11393,"position":3},"title":"Zonen","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2016-12-09","format":false,"excerpt":"Jag sl\u00e5r p\u00e5 v\u00e4rmen i en fj\u00e4rdedel av huset som normalt \u00e4r ouppv\u00e4rmd. Studion. Ja jull\u00e5t ni vet. Jag har skrivit om det tidigare. Den skall sl\u00e5s av igen. MEN... Pellets\u00e5tg\u00e5ngen \u00e4r mindre i natt \u00e4n den var ig\u00e5r. VA!? Liksom. Vad \u00e4r det som h\u00e4nder h\u00e4r? JAG F\u00d6RST\u00c5R INTE!!!!\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/20160823_161617-e1471963115528-576x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/20160823_161617-e1471963115528-576x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/20160823_161617-e1471963115528-576x1024.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":32707,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=32707","url_meta":{"origin":11393,"position":4},"title":"Mittens rike","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2019-08-07","format":false,"excerpt":"K har sin sista semestervecka. Jag \u00e4r sjukskriven eoner av veckor fram\u00e5t i tiden. Ja om jag vill. Det finns ingen nytta med det egentligen. \u00c5tminstone inte mer \u00e4n \u00e4nnu ett papper som skickas in till f\u00f6rs\u00e4kringskassan. Det \u00e4r det d\u00e4r med friheten... K ville nog ha semester n\u00e5gra veckor\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190502_182458129_HDR.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190502_182458129_HDR.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190502_182458129_HDR.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190502_182458129_HDR.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190502_182458129_HDR.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/IMG_20190502_182458129_HDR.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":35734,"url":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?p=35734","url_meta":{"origin":11393,"position":5},"title":"Ja eller nej","author":"\u00c5ke Hedman","date":"2020-08-10","format":false,"excerpt":"Kopplar ihop det gamla med det nya. Det finns saker h\u00e4r p\u00e5 l\u00e5tsaskontoret som legat n\u00e5gra \u00e5r. Samlat p\u00e5 damm och \u00e5r. Annat finns det \u00e5 andra sidan som \u00e4r ganska nytt och nyss kom hit fr\u00e5n n\u00e5got h\u00f6rn av v\u00e4rlden. S\u00e5dant som fortfarande doftar nytt. Jod\u00e5, tiden g\u00e5r. Jag\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Betraktelser &amp; Ber\u00e4ttelse","link":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/?cat=24"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/IMG_20200810_215555.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/IMG_20200810_215555.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/IMG_20200810_215555.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/IMG_20200810_215555.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/IMG_20200810_215555.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p68PL2-2XL","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11393","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/24"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11393"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11393\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11405,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11393\/revisions\/11405"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11393"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11393"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.akehedman.se\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11393"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}